Dearest Mental Health Community,
I am writing you today to tell you, healing is possible through journaling. I’ve been posting my story on here all summer long — and this is what I’ve learned...
When I gave birth for the first time, I entered a new phase of my life. And the transition from going from maiden to mother while being a full-time graduate student — tore down the tower of my being like a bomb. My traumas and pain leaked out of me like a kitchen strainer. I posted my process on this blog of mine.
I was full of anger and contempt at a stolen youth. I raged at the keyboard and posted all the content that I once only held in the black cloud of my ethos. Depression is like an unescapable storm of emotions buried deep inside. I opened Pandora’s box, because I had to live — again.
Chiropractic helped me express and writing helped me process. And I posted the things I no longer desired to keep to myself. I wanted others to learn from my process that I would keep updating and changing. I wanted to see my own progress as I integrated these experiences. That’s why I shared what I shared.
And you — I hope you share, openly too. No body is broken; that’s just the narrative we were once told. It’s not true, health lives inside all of us. I vomited the old narrative out and that’s what this blog is filled with.
Yesterday I reapplied to graduate school. And I am waiting on the response to the letter I wrote so vulnerably — I took a step back to heal from the wounds of yesteryears. I have hope they will allow me to take a step forward towards my future of becoming a chiropractic doctor. I am thrilled to be standing here today, my wounds are stitched up. I am a new person.
I have been watching Daniel Mackler, a former psychotherapist in the United States speaking on the topics I am describing. You see, birth and chiropractic allowed my body to unfold neurologically. The interference on my nervous system was corrected via my team of health practitioners and I did a huge part of the work of rewriting my narrative on my own accord.
I think these videos really elaborate beautifully on the concept of — the body is not broken. There is nothing inherently wrong with any of us; we all were born with purpose. Trauma clouds the vision of reality. It blinds a person from seeing accurately.
When I was in undergrad I smoked a lot of cannabis and fell into a large depression. At one point, I blamed the cannabis. And yet, when I stopped smoking — the pain still lingered. The behaviors I was ashamed of never stopped; so, I then began to blame myself internally. Now, I recognize that although cannabis is not a healthy coping mechanism for me currently — it was something much deeper. Trauma bolted locks onto the foundation of my being and like a weed cannabis wrapped around it causing a mental, emotional addiction.
The substance doesn’t matter either — it’s not about the drug, it’s about the chains of negative experiences that were not processed appropriately.
The brain can function better once the weeds are pulled up from the garden. And that’s what writing has given me the ability to do — to be my own internal gardener. And to take back the reigns of my own life. It’s freedom to be able to speak ones mind in peace.
In 2020 I’ve kept seven diaries. What you see here is only excepts that I posted as an example of how I healed — how I continue to heal. And I’ll forever post my journey on here.
So, what do I think of the current narrative of the mental health system that tells people they are broken forever and ever? So, what do I think about the mental health system that tells people that the only way out is a pill that they can buy from them for the rest of their lives?
Bullshit.
The body is only broken for eternity if you believe it to be so.
There is hope.
There is healing.
Your body can begin to feel like home as well.
All my love,
@laurabell