Today, i noticed Mama Cabbage who i had left alone for seven weeks while i was away in the UK was having babies. i don't know how, i left her alone in the house, all locked up so no passing guy cabbages could take advantage of her!
Emotional Integration
Continuing on from my cleansing post of nine days ago, five days ago i made a comment on the post which i now copy below:
An update and time for me to 'fess up.
Day 1 of no smoking went well, while en-route to Sofia.
Day 2, arrived Sofia to stay with friend and begin our cleanse (Oshava diet) the following day. Late afternoon of day 2 some of my words triggered friend, resulting in judgements and blame from her. I decided to be silent so as not to feed the drama, but that seemed to trigger her even more with her then asking me why I was there if I would not speak. So, not wishing to be around when not wanted, and while being judged and blamed (imo) I decided to leave. It was dark and late though so I decided to sleep in the car (no problem, had been doing so quite comfortably for previous 3 nights if my trip), but friend persuaded me to stay and begin the cleanse next day as planned, which would undoubtedly be good for us both. I agreed.
Day 3 of no smoking and first day of cleanse. All good. Eating Linet (Einkorn) an ancient grain, and buckwheat, and brown rice, with gamachio (spelling?) and Tamari for better taste. Drinking only sage or cinnamon tea. Quite tasty. Feeling some emotional discomfort, nothing I can (or am trying) to pinpoint, but it's no big deal.
Day 4, all going well up until mid-afternoon when friend starts "demanding" me to help her with some chores she has to do, then judging when I don't immediately jump to it. Judgements continue so I choose to leave. It was fairly amicable separation with a hug as I leave, but I was feeling more intense emotional discomfort. Driving home (about a 90 minute trip) I decide to buy tobacco and some non-cleanse food. Aware that I am sidestepping (yet again) opportunity for emotional integration, and attempt to breathe through it, but in the end I still broke my non-smoking plan and my fast. Message if apology came from friend, and we are ok. Both just continuing to live our patterns. This too will pass.
Well, said friend wrote to me yesterday after i asked how she was doing. I thought i would share our messages (edited slightly for privacy) as they may offer insight to others:
Friend:
Ok, I'm in a very hard time with myself, still dieting and fed up with it. I want to stop but everyday I say one more day...
I'm in a dark place, sad and lonely, cover in fear...observing
Me:
Great. Well done. This is very good. You are courageous. More than me at the moment that's for sure.
Friend:
Need to face the solitude and look for light within. I lost many kilos. Now I got home.
To diet alone is really hard
In general to b alone
:)
I so much want a partner and a family
Why God is not giving
I know that you are God, please answer me
Me:
Because you are not ready yet. Because you have not yet done all the emotional integration work needed to be content with what is here and now. God (your true self) is being kind to you, nudging you to step up, as you are doing now, to feel all those feelings that will lead to integration. If you do not then most likely you will repeat patterns with yet another partner and it will be even more painful. When you are done, fully cooked and feeling content in your aloneness (all-one-ness), then another you who is also content will appear and you will complement each other and rise even further in love together.
Friend:
Thankyou
I'm not fully cooked either, yet i am fairly content being alone. I do still hold on to addictions of smoking and eating too much, and i realise this is a bit like keeping one foot slightly on the brake, slowing down my journey of rising in love. Yet, i observe myself (or rather i observe this dream character called Atma) doing this, and also see all the good stuff he is doing, and accept him and love him just how he is, knowing he is in the right place at the right time, playing his part perfectly in this play of life.
One of the many healing modalities i have come across and used in my awakening journey is The Presence Process Procedure. It is a self facilitated emotional integration process contained in the book The Presence Process written by Michael Brown. It is a phenomenal piece of work which i recommend to everyone.
Growing Food and Healing Plants
It's a bright sunny day here in Bulgaria, albeit with some snow still on the ground. I decided it was time to get off my butt and my laptop and get my hands in the dirt, perhaps inspired by seeing Mama Cabbage growing her babies.
Armed with some plastic plant pots i nabbed from Mum's greenhouse in England (which have been there unused for years), some aloe vera (or some variety) babies from my friend Ros in England, some Comfrey root cutting i had bought from e-bay, and some cuttings of ginger root (from local supermarket here in Bulgaria), i got to work.
I put a layer of small woodchips in the bottom of each pot then filled the pots with some black soil from the garden. I don't know how good it is for the job, but it's black so i think it will be ok. Then i planted away. I diluted some of my fresh urine 20:1 with water ang gave them all a little soak. In case you didn't know, urine is a most excellent fertiliser for plants, as well as being super good for human health taken internally and rubbed on the skin. No need for toxic population control vaccines, urine is your own personalised imunnisor.
The Comfrey i bought is a variety called Bocking 14 which apparently produces very few seeds. It's best to use this as Comfrey can be very invasive and overtake the garden. Comfrey (also known as knit-bone) is also great for human health, particularly for strong teeth and bones and for wound healing.
I planted six of the fourteen Comfrey root cuttings which came in the packet, and will plant the rest directly in the ground after the last frost date.
That's all for today. I'm gonna go visit a friend then take a trip to Sofia to the Bitcoin machine to buy some more while the price is low (hopefully it will still be low when i get there earlier in the morning), then swap some of it for more Steem Power.
I love Steem!
:-)
Peace and Love
Atma
ps. PLEASE check out and ReSteem my What If? post from yesterday to help Steemians and All Beings live lives of abundance, peace and contentment.