When mama passed away it was one of the most challenging and emotional experiences in my life. Sometimes, sharing these life altering experiences can offer comfort and inspiration to others.
How thankful I feel that I was able to be with my mom when she left her body and began her sacred journey home!
My daughter Nicole and I were able to travel, almost, 3000 miles to be with Mom a few weeks back.
The night before she crossed over I had some time alone with her , in her hospital room. This was precious time I feel so blessed to have. I was able to say things to her and, somehow, I knew she was aware, even though the doctors stated she was brain dead and was not aware. My father had passed away a few years back and I felt my father in the room and let her know I did. I rubbed her shoulders and said to her " I know how much you miss dads backrubs so I am going to rub your shoulders. How does that feel mom?" Even though her mouth hung open and her eyes remained shut..she took 2 big deep sighs (twice)and i felt her body relax even more. I did a couple of silly things that I knew would make her laugh..if she could laugh! I had some warm comfort tea which she had liked to use in a hot tub. It is very soothing to her skin. I gently rubbed a little on her head and arms and told her this special tea had been blessed by the flower fairies. I know she would have loved me saying that because of her love for flower fairies. I gave her a little mowhawk and said : "haha you have a mohawk" hehe. Then iI fixed it back..but I know she loved to laugh and just had to do something silly. We enjoyed the fun times we had together so much, I hoped that would make her feel joyful somehow . Then I went through times of my life I remember that she had great impacts on me...she taught me how to love and forgive other children that were being mean..I will always remember that. I thanked her for many things. I held her hands and kissed her face and hands all over..I let her know that if any of us could do anything we would..and I was sorry..and we all were..if she was uncomfortable at all..Ann, my neice, showed me, the day before, how to moisten her mouth without making her choke..so i did that. I also cleaned all of the crusties out of her eyes the way she did for me when I was little. I was glad I did that because she opened her eyes and one point and moved them to focus on me! After laughing and crying and talking with her (or near her) I finially said: ”dad is here mom..he misses you..he wants to sit in my chair so I will leave you two alone for now and see you soon!” I put a blanket over her feet because they felt cold..I left but ended up coming back for a minute to say bye one more time..I laid my head on her lap like I used to when I was little and held her hand and just stayed there for awhile.
The next day I arrived at the hospital around noon.. my sister Kristina , brother Terry and neice, Faith(sweet Faith passed over a couple of years ago and I love to believe my mom was there to meet her)were there. I remember Faith touching and rubbing grammas legs softly and Faith's presence was so grounded and strong..I just love her spirit and am thankful I am in the same family as her!
I really felt my father in the room that morning. I went near my mom and held her hand and my sister, Kristina, and I and brother Terry all rubbed her head and said nice things to her..we told her "all of the kids were here" and "everyone is here, mom" because we were if not physically..in spirit..and we all let her know..its ok to go mom..go have another honeymoon, dad is waiting! My mom had been lonely in a big way father my dad passed away and always talked about dancing with him in heaven one day and I knew they would be dancing again soon.
We told mom its ok to go laugh and play and be free! soon enough..your children will be following you one day..so do it now while you can hehe.
I think the turning point and a relaxing time for her..because her bodys energy seemed to change from static to calm in a sense was when Kristina..the baby of the family, touched moms head and said: “its ok to go mom..were grown up now..we will be ok here..I’m sorry it took so long mom...”
I feel mom needed to hear her baby say those things and I thought it was so wonderful of Kristina to say those unselfish things to mama!
Of course, I’m betting we would all rather her not go, if she had a chance of being healthy and strong, yet, her brain functions were gone..and she was unable , so it seemed, to open her eyes or close her mouth at all.. So it seems..her body was done..it was tired..it had fought the great fight and it was ready to set her free once again to return home to the father!
Before we all sat down I put my face right up to her and said “we love you mom..do you know we are here? Can you let me know?” Then she opened her eyes! she actually tried to move her mouth up and down to say words and even though they didn’t come out..I know she said "I love you" to all of us..I heard it in my head..somehow she communicated that. Then she swallowed! I said “wow! good job mom wow..you swallowed! then she swallowed again! Now I know she knew we were there!”
After we all said things to her we just sat down and I think I said outloud: “wow grampa is here..I can feel it..I see that yellow sparkely light I saw when he crossed over”. I also saw a vertical band of light and a rainbow type shape clear whitish light hovering above mom and I sensed it was her spirit..and sure enough..a few secs later she took her last breath..I felt she was happy and joyful and relieved.
I still miss having a mommy to hug :) I felt how much she missed my dad and I felt the joy when she saw him again. It was and still is very comforting. I am thankful for being able to sense these things.
I stayed a little while longer just to look at her and kiss her because I knew this was the last time I would be able to in the physical sense.
At the ceremony/gathering for her there was a mixture of peace and relief she was no longer in pain and intense emotions...sadness too..but anytime I felt the urge to cry..I heard my mom say "dont cry nancy! look! Wer’e dancing!"
I heard this about 4-5 times during the ceremony and one time it made me chuckle outloud. :)
Then something seemingly impossible happened. As we all stood up, after everyone gave their talks and memories, I spotted something out the window out of the corner of my eye. It was a squirrel on the ledge of the window! There were no trees near the window so I imagined he climbed up the brick wall. He was pacing back and forth on the window sill looking in at us. We were smiling at this because my mom loved squirrels and would have them eat out of her hand and feed them often. We took it as a little sign from above :)
Thanks mama for teaching me how to love. Thanks for letting me know you and dad are dancing. Thank you for the dream I had last night where you came and kissed me all over my face like I had done for you when you laid in bed.
I love my life here and still have lots of reasons to be here! Also...I still look forward to the day when I see you and dad again, love always, Nancy