It was a busy Sunday at work, and I was in the back of house, browsing reddit. I came across an article about mushrooms and decided to read it. As I was reading, I started thinking about my situation. I needed some guidance and I was struggling to get over a relationship. I knew I had to sit down and really question myself. I told myself I'd go to Hippy Hill on Monday, since it was my day off. I had tried shrooms two previous times but I didn't enjoy them. I knew this time would be different, though.
I hadn't been feeling good, exhausted everyday, and lacked motivation. I think I had depression. I hated waking up with my feet aching and wanting to quit work everyday. I felt like I was going nowhere, and I couldn't stop thinking of my ex. It sucks that our relationship was toxic but I couldn't stop reminiscing the memories of her. The fact that it was a continuous cycle is what really killed me.
Monday fucking morning I get up and get ready. it's like 10 AM and I get a phone call from my friend asking me if I could help him move. Luckly, he lived by Golden Gate Park so I said yes. I get over there and I'm helping him move his stuff quickly. Thankfully, we finish in about an hour. It's 11 AM and I'm skating to Golden Gate Park. I see the bus so I hop on. When I get to GGP I already have a person in mind: the hippie or the guy with a dog and a backpack. They're the ones that usually have bud, LSD, or mushrooms. I find one by a coffee shop and ask him for a dubs worth (if ya'll don't know the lingo, that means $20). I had seen some cops down the block so we walk up and turn the corner. The guy was so slick about it, made it seem like he was going to feed his dog! Instead, he grabbed the scale in the dog tray and measured out a dubs worth. I hand him the cash and he hands me a bag full of shrooms. At this point, I'm fucking juiceddd (ayyeeeee). I hop on my board and skate away.
As I'm skating, I eat the whole bag and I'm thinking if that was a good idea or not. I get to the bus stop and realize I hadn't ate nothing so I knew this was gonna hit fast. Thankfully the bus got there in a couple minutes. As I'm on the bus, I start feeling a little weird but I don't know if it was a placebo effect or it starting to creep up immediately, haha.
When I get home, I get to the kitchen it really starts kicking in. I wanted to feel enlightened so I grab a book and try to read it but I couldn't because all the words were moving around or becoming blurry. I started laughing non-stop. Since I couldn't read book, I turned my laptop on to study JavaScript as I thought it might be easier. I was horribly wrong. I couldn't do nothing.
As my trip intensified, I sat down and started thinking about myself. Who was I? Why do I struggle with anxiety? What am I doing? How will I be doing in 20 years from now? How would I get there? Why am I letting a past relationship make me unhappy?
All these questions were overwhelming but I knew I had to answer them. I would cry then laugh. I realized that I was a mess but I was going to get myself out of it. I cried for a second and took it in. Ever since that day I've decided to work on becoming a better individual.
REFLECTION:
Ever since I've taken shrooms I've felt like I been reset. I no longer get furious at work, instead just work through it. I'm trying to talk more to people, and initiating talking to females. I'm really trying to build up my confidence again. It's only been less than a month but I feel a lot better than before.
Anyway if you've made it this far, I just wanna say thank you for reading!!