So I've been in social media for more than 3 years, doing some videos, some fart jokes and etc.
I've never wanted to be somewhat famous or anything, in fact I wanted to be a blogger.
You know – write some stuff and see cash rolling in, but as I see these top bloggers, they write completely different stuff than I want to write and this makes my brain go nuts.
You see, I don't want to write How To's and guides how to achieve your fucking dreams, because I don't know.
You can't write about success while you're not successful.
I've been blogging more than 5 years, everywhere, but I realized people just ignore my stuff, so I no longer care if I'm successful or not. I just do what's fun to me.
I should go to work, but I don't feel like doing it. I envy people who have achieved what I want to achieve. I know people ignore me and people don't like me. I'm not a likable person. Although I was famous for 15 minutes, but then fame faded, you know. My life doesn't change no matter what I do and I have two choices – to quit doing what I do or to continue and be persistent, and you know what? I'm choosing the second option, because I don't want to work in 8-17.
I rather do my work I love and fail, then I do something I don't like. I really don't care if I'm famous, or rich. I know I'll end up being a bum. But whatever.
I think it's my life and I know what's better for me. I think I know. I wish we would be living in a matrix and I could install some good knowledge into my head, but you know – probably we're not in a matrix and this is just life.
Back in the day I thought I have great stories, but after years of trial and error I realized that my stories aren't that great. Some people like them, some people don't.
It's life you know.
You never get what you deserve. You always get what people think you're worth and people think I'm worth nothing. This is sad. I wish people gave me some slack.
You know, when you're living in a different way – your end result will be different and I'm thinking that I'm going to regret every choice I've made during my life. But when the last minute of my life comes – I'll know I have tried to be somewhat better than I am. I tried, but nobody cared.
And you know – it sucks when you try to be better than you are and nobody cares. It's somewhat disappointing.
The right thing never happens, unless you do the right thing, but who am I to know what's right and what's wrong? I'm not a genius, I'm not a guru. I'm not smart. I'm just pretending to know what people want. But I guess people don't want what I have to offer.
My dreams were smashed into ashes, I don't know if there are my people, who care enough, but I guess in this life nobody cares about anybody. My life is a joke and I'm sad right now, listening to some witch house music. Sad vibes give you sad emotions, I should tune into something better, but who cares?
Everybody wants to be different, but you should know how actually hard it is to be different. I wish I was useful, but I'm not.
Do I regret making these choices? Maybe, I don't know.
I think I'm stuck in this unsuccessful life. Success is not for me. And I wonder, how other people do it? How do they manage to be successful? If you do only this one lame thing, over and over, you probably won't be successful, I don't know. I wish I knew.
At least I'm glad I'm not working hard and busting my ass to have this fucked up life.
No pain – no gain – I guess.
I like bleeding on a piece of paper, these are the two lame things I know how to do – to talk and to write.
I guess your achievements can't never be external, only internal. Piece after piece I write my story, but yet – nobody is listening, just few of my friends and that's it. But should I care? Yes, I should, because the other people give you money. I can't just print my money, I can't take any job I want. Everything you get in life is what other people give you.
In the end I would say that if people like you – you will be successful, sometimes it can feel that the whole world is against you, but you know – everybody is seeking for a product and I have nothing to offer. I don't want to create products, I don't want to sell products. I just want to share my story and that's it. In fact, I hate sales – you know. When everybody wants your attention just to sell you some piece of shit products – you don't need.
The worst thing that can happen to a blog? Nobody will read it, that's it. So you can bleed on a page as much as you want, because in the end nobody really cares – just you.
And everything you write – you'll forget. Just like you forgotten the other 1000 posts.