When we first practice to deceive...
Would you tell the truth if it would break someone's heart?
Lying is bad. All lies, small, big, half truths, white lies ... all of them are bad ultimately. However, what is life without a few bad things thrown in to turn few moments into a happy bubble? The whole dot-com thing was a big bubble and a lie but it made many people happy while it lasted - didn't it?
I am a very blunt person. I like to speak and act without economizing with the truth. So far, I have bludgeoned on in life, perhaps leaving a swath of bitterness and unhappy moments for many people around me.
At this juncture in life, I look back and sometimes wonder, could I have accomplished what I have accomplished but with less pain to others? Perhaps the answer is - YES!
I could have been a little diplomatic and told a few white lies instead of brutally presenting the truth. I could just have been a bit gentle. For example, I could have said a few nice things to the girl who proposed to me to let her down easy, instead of just telling her she was a bit too superfluous on everything... The girl had locked herself up for days in her room thereafter. Later on in life, I realized, no truth is worth causing that much pain to any person.
However, to lie is not easy. Even white lies are dangerous.
"So remember when you tell those little white lies that the night has a thousand eyes" - Bobby Vee
White lies - as easy as they are to tell, are that much more liable to get easily exposed. If exposed frequently, they have to potential to erode the trust people have in us.
We need to practice, be consistent and weave a nice tangled web if we want to lie. Just like the web that is woven by this Giant wood spider (Nephila Pilipes) that I clicked with my Nikon P900 during a visit to a jungle in South India in October 2017.
I do not know what compelling reason you may have to tell a white lie. However, I am convinced that lie you must - sometime or the other, in your life. Sometimes, multiple times in a day!
"Several studies have found that an average person is lied to from 10 to 200 times a day" - Pamela Meyer
Why and when should we lie
We all already tell multiple white lies - sometimes just to keep the conversation going. When someone says "Hey - we must watch the latest Star Wars movie" - You may not really care a tiny rat's A$$ about what happens to the Jedi and still be confused in your mind about 'Was Luke Skywalker in Star wars or was he captain of the SS Enterprise in Star Trek' but you end up saying "Sure - I am free tomorrow" just to keep the conversation going with a potential hot date!
Sometimes, we lie just to avoid conflict. For example, your best friend is all nuts about the latest fashion of tattooing. You are scared witless about having needles poked into you but you do not want to let your friend down. So you invent something about "I promised grandma that I would never get a tattoo - because it reminded her of grandpa's ex-girlfriend from Thailand!"
On a serious note - It could be a situation when you want to boost up a patient's morale by not really telling the exact danger the person is in or it could be a situation when you are trying to let an employee go for under-performance but without making a permanent dent on the person's self-confidence. It could even be a parent telling a white lie to a child to avoid undue, traumatic influence on the child's mind.
Ultimately, there is not specific 'rule' that we can apply to decide when to tell a white lie or risk breaking a relationship or scar someone. It is a very subjective. However, I often apply the following two thumb rules to decide if a white lie is worth it:
Am I lying about something that will affect things even 5 years down the line? For example, if I lie about having an interest in Star Wars when I truly do not, it is not a huge issue 5 years down the line - when my hot date would have probably outgrown the Star wars craze anyway (or rather more likely - my hot date is not likely to be that long in my life anyway!!)
Am I lying about something that, if exposed, could lead to an even worse effect than what I am trying to lie about? For example - If I lie to a potential life partner about loving children, that may blow up in my face and end up in divorce if I, later, disagree about having children in our life.
While most of the innocent white lies get told on the spur of the moment, the tangled web sometimes can get so tangled that it can entangle us totally!
"When spider webs unite they can tie up a lion." - African Proverb
It is, therefore, better to be prepared to lie, if we have to, so that the web is smooth and does not get tangled.
Preparations for lies
In my experience, it is best to lie without actually using an actual lie. How on earth is that possible? There are a couple of ways:
Misdirection
Misdirection works in a way that draws attention away from you and replacing it with someone else's problem. For example, in the Star Wars situation, if you do not want to watch the movie, still maintain your chances with the hot potential date and avoid mentioning that you HATE Star wars, you could 'misdirect' by mentioning casually about this friend of yours who felt very let down after watching the latest star wars movie because he watched it without refreshing himself on the first 7 episodes. Mention that he needed to 'get in the zone' for these things and alone! It does take effort and preparation to think of 'true' things that you can say like this example which helps in drawing a parallel to your 'desired' situation. So - you are actually misdirecting in effect but not really lying about facts.
Preferably, preempt the misdirection
Best way to misdirect is to start talking about it BEFORE the subject actually comes up. Let me talk about a real life example here. My mother had to undergo some tests. The tests could actually lead to some detection that could lead to surgery. My wife, therefore, started talking about how easy a MRI scan was and how we hardly noticed the tube around us - with the air-conditioning, it was not claustrophobic at all etc. She had my mother comfortable way before the actual discussion of tests and surgery. It was a masterful performance of misdirection with her own personal example thrown in. At no point my wife said that the tests may not be demanding or painful but managed to somehow give the impression that my mother would be comfortable during the tests.
Use the 'golden silence'
Sometimes, it just helps NOT to discuss all aspects of an impending issue. Some things left unsaid will avoid damaging someone's morale and the end result would be OK. For example, if your student is going in for a Karate Championship and you find out that the opponent has been training under Jackie Chan for a few years, you need not mention that to the student. Keep the golden silence when your student says - "Do you know anything about my opponent?". Just act like Mr. Miyagi and say " XYZ San - Not importanto who oppononto iso. Importonto how YOU fighto" That statement is true - so you are not really lying but have avoided damaging morale of your student. See?
That is enough lying for today then!!
So - I weave these tangled webs here on Steemit. For a good cause of spreading wildlife awareness. You all are my willing prey!! Be warned my friends! This is the blunt truth - no white lie!
In Conclusion:
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive!" - Walter Scott
Steemians, please comment freely to share your experiences, knowledge and views about lying. Thanks.
Note: All images except for the wildlife photos and the title image created by me are from pixabay.com. Image credit has been specifically mentioned for images not falling under these two categories.
Gif crafted by the Legendary @stellabelle for me, based on my Lion Avatar