04 04 2018. I seem to have a knack for choosing dates to post. Seems like the OCD in me is out to play! ;p
I’ve been feeling torn lately. I have chosen a path which is even more uncomfortable than the choice I made 10 months ago, pushing me further out of my comfort zone. For me to grow? I don’t know. All I know is, that it has by far been an interesting experience.
I would call myself privileged. I have a loving family, had lots of pretty dresses to wear when I was a child (coz my mother’s an excellent tailor), parents fully funded my education and I never had to worry where the next meal would be coming from. To the extent I had a car to drive right after I graduated from college; albeit it having been my dad’s car.
There has been a change in life events and my partner was offered a job. He took it, the catch is that he has to be based out of town. Being a foreigner, he had transport challenges. Where he’s from, everywhere is accessible by public transport. So I made a choice, I gave him my car. It would have been unthinkable to the old me. I am so used to the luxury and convenience of having a car! He knew it and he couldn’t believe it when I offered it to him. Guess I love him that much :)
Even so, I still had a car to drive, although I’d have to share it with my brother. (See what I said about being privileged?) It is a 20 year old, 660cc, manual, Perodua Kancil. Quite beat up from the little accidents it has been in but still road worthy (in the Malaysian context). It used to be the car my mom ferried us to and from school extra curricular activities and tuition classes around the neighbourhood. Then it was my brother’s main form of transport when he went to university.
Driving that car is a whole new experience altogether in this time and age. Its size makes it an easy target to pick on and the fact that it is only 660cc doesn’t make the experience any more pleasant. I was frustrated the first few times I drove it to work. Felt that the whole world was against me. It was a stressful drive to and from work and anywhere for that matter. I actually felt embarrassed when I drove it to a popular mall. I realised it didn’t matter and that it was all in my head when the people around me wasn’t judgemental that I was driving a Kancil. What has been eating me up was the thought that people judged me for what I drove!
The turning point for me was when I had my car back one weekend. It felt so good to be able to drive it again. I was overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude I never had for my own car. I was feeling blessed that I have a car to drive at all, Kancil or not.
That’s not the end of it. I also started taking the train. Something which I have not done in Malaysia since my college days. Fact of the matter is, my workplace is only 2 stations away from where I live. Surprise! Even during my college days I didn’t have to walk to the station, my parents would send me to the station and it is only a 10 minute walk away (Again reiterating that fact that I belong in the privileged category). I now walk to the station near my home and from the station to my workplace. It might sound easy and simple to some, but it a great feat for me. It has been a humbling experience evoking a greater sense of gratitude for what I have in life. Also learning to be independent and mobile without the luxury of a car. Though I have to say it was awkward at first and I now know that it is ok, I have to be gentler to myself.
In this past month, I began to look at the different side of things, the brighter side. I no longer have to worry about parking and the cost unless I choose to and I get in a total of 40 minutes of walking time in my routine now, easy peasy. Not to mention having a more relaxed commute to and from the workplace everyday.
Now, I wonder how long I can keep this up.