“When I tell people I have my boundaries, they smugly raise there eyebrow and say: Why do you need boundaries?...Ah Human, you’ve a long way to go...You’re not open enough - As though I’m obligated to be an open book about every corner of my life. What’s next? Would you like to know the PIN number of my credit card too?”
I heard these words from one of my favorite YouTubers and I thought, THAT’S ME!
We are living in an age of extreme connectivity and transparency where everybody knows everything about everybody else... Literally. Everything. Every bit of information is there on the internet and even what we try to hide is a few computer codes away.
In all this digital anarchy, do we still value privacy? It’s obvious that we need it more than ever but do we really still VALUE it?
I’m an introvert, not the kind who keeps himself locked in a room 24/7 but the kind who simply doesn’t open up that easily. I’ve been told by some people that I need to be more open. Seriously why do I have to do that?
According to some stats, 23% of the content on social media is actually status updates of what and how the users are doing. This means that in almost 1 out of 4 posts on the social media, the user is simply telling the whole world what he’s doing or how he’s feeling even when nobody asked. And that’s completely okay for me. It doesn’t matter to me if that person genuinely feels happy in doing so or just keeping up with the the societal conformity. But am I obligated to behave in this manner too? Am I obligated to open myself to anyone or everyone even when I don’t want to? No I am not.
Is it abnormal? Let me give you a nice trick to know whether something is abnormal or normal in a certain situation. In psychology, we call it the 4 D’s of Abnormality.
- Distress
- Dysfunction
- Deviance
- Danger
If a condition of a human being is triggering any one of these symptoms in a certain situation, then that condition must be abnormal. When I look at it, I don’t see any of these in myself. I don’t see myself being distressed, dysfunctional, deviant or dangerous because of not being an open book. Not being an open book isn’t costing me anything. In fact, it gives a sense of satisfaction. Not being an open book gives my existence more value to those few who get to open it (not everyone does). It helps me construct although not numerous yet long lasting and strong relationships. At the end, it’s all about quality not quantity.
I don’t believe in all or nothing in the amount of information I feed to people. I also don’t approve of the notion that the amount of information I share with a person reflects the amount of love I have for him/her. A person who truly loves you should be able to accept whatever you’re willing to give. And you! You should also not abuse this right and keep secrets that you know will ruin the relationship. It’s all about a balance, not all or nothing. And if someone does try to make it an all or nothing - then it might as well be nothing.