Catchy title? Let me preface this post with some back-story.
I went to my friends' Annual Christmas Party last weekend. I try to always get there early so I can help "cut the cheese", insert awkward giggling.
I've been to at least 5 of these events over the last 10 years and all but once I'm one of the few single ones in the room... Girls are typically out numbered at any party and that was no exception this evening. I had every "single" guy taking their turn at charming me, offering to grab me a drink and trying to get me in their corner. One of them is a friend...who in good fun, takes my humorous rejections very well; I expect his forthcomingness each year and by the end of the night we always laugh, give each other a hug and wait until the next occasion. There were several new faces on this particular night. One was a kind older gentleman who was quite flirtatious in an innocent kind of way, we talked about life, lessons and the pursuit of happiness. He tracked me down on Facebook early the next morning, I added him and made general comments on some of his writings. This morning I woke up to an unexpected message.
Here's how the conversation went
"Couple of questions, Ms. ...I felt a sense of playfulness and adventure in you but don't want to over plan (although I do enjoy overwhelming beautiful women by treating them exceptionally well). How much time could you grace me with? My first thought was a fine restaurant down the street, Zio's, but I have the time and money for more. Much more. I also like to play, tease, and flirt. I would dress up for you in the hopes you wore something similar to the outfit that stunned me when we met. It was all I could do to play it cool and just surf your presence but I failed miserably seeing you in the car by walking over from my porch. The hug was perfect (as was the non kiss)! I'm a Writer and tend to communicate at a level more deeply and honestly than most. I will completely understand if I'm a bit much to handle (no double entendre intended) but my time here is short and you left a powerful impression on me. I sense that you would be fun to play with. I would be honored to spoil you a bit before I move in March. I have several things in mind but don't know your comfort level and time available. "
My reply
"That is an amazing offer, one that some girls would jump off of both feet to receive. Personally, I know I have a playful persona but it's all in fun. I know myself all too well and I have a lovers heart, I'm still in search of someone to spend the rest of my life with and my heart and body are together on that journey. I've been single and celibate since July, even while living with my ex. There is no medium or in-between for me, it's my everything or nothing in emotional/physical encounters. I hope this doesn't come off as harsh, the offer is a great gesture made with great tact that is much appreciated."
His Reply
"I appreciate your honest answer, Mary. This level of sharing is all too rare in today's world. Stay your course and I am confident nothing but good will come of it. Thank you for understanding that the physical was a large component in my attraction to you and I hope that we stay in touch here as our lives move on. You are a beautiful Woman deserving of the best. Stay true to You!"
Situations don't always work out so well when you try to be gentle but this one did!
It use to upset me to get hit on, especially by friends; I have a lot of blog posts from Myspace to prove it. I am nice to everyone as a general rule and I thought it was too often taken out of context. As I got older I became one of the "guys" by remaining tactful in my responses to these advances and I started to understand men a little better. This conversation was a product of those lessons learned.
Women tend to be too quick at striking a man out with one single blow... but in the end they're just hurting themselves.
Men tend to play different cards until they finally get it right..which is usually their demise.
My advice when is comes to dealing with an encounter:
Women: Try to understand that men and women think differently, it's typically much easier for woman to turn down men because our bodies and minds work differently. And Don't let a man keep investing into you (emotionally, financially, time) if you aren't interested, that's called Evil.
Men: Try to be clear with your intentions, some women are ok with a one-night stand, some want long-term commitment; try and respect that. And, go re-watch "Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo".
And the lesson:
Give others your respect, regardless of difference. Even if not reciprocated, you come out a winner.
Signed,
Sweet Sarcasm