Everybody does it. Some people less, some people more.
We compare ourselves to others.
And although we've heard countless times not to do that, and that we should "just be ourselves" - we still do it sometimes. And it can be quite a burden. The envy destroys our own self-esteem!
These are all thoughts that creep inside our head:
"How do I get this person to like me, and be friends with me?"
"How would people react if I acted a little less serious?"
"Can I really wear this tonight, or what will the others think?"
We think so much about how other people see us or if they like us, because it's an instinct of humans to want the respect and recognition from others.
But now, in the modern age, the pressure is even higher than ever before - nowadays it seems like everybody is competing with someone because of their job, status, money, house, car etc.
This means that there is always someone better than you.
There is always someone with a nice car,
someone with a nicer house,
someone with a better job and so on.
We constantly compare ourselves, and as soon as we feel like we have less than someone else, our self-esteem lowers. And at the same time, this makes us appreciate the things we do have less and less.
Less and less people are feeling truly happy, while more and more people think they need to buy luxurious, material goods to achieve happiness.
We think to ourselves that we have to buy or achieve "something particular" and only then we allow ourselves o be happy.
And the problem is that once we have finally bought something better than our 'competitor', someone else pops up and owns something even better.
So we chase after happiness as if we were on a treadmill, but never actually achieve happiness. (This is also called the Hedonic Treadmill!)
And when we are chasing after that new car or fancy watch, we are actually really chasing the feeling of being liked and respected.
If we really want to grow our self-esteem, we can only reduce our expectations at ourselves, instead of chasing after success and money even more.
So what can we do to actually get those feelings of respect and recognition from others?
We should work on ourself and chase after improving our own character.
We should work on being more kind, confident, satisfied, grateful and mindful.
And we should respect ourselves for that.
Yes, the respect from others will follow then.
Here are some tips that help you to stop comparing yourself to others:
- Stop begrudging someone their success.
This may be difficult to execute at first, but just try reminding yourself that that person deserves it as well, and that you're happy for them. It has nothing to do with you. - Accept that you are not perfect.
And you will never be. You are still a work in progress and as long as you keep wanting to improve yourself, there is nothing to feel bad about. - Analyze yourself.
For a few days, be mindful of your own behaviour and detect whenever you are comparing yourselves to others. Then, ask yourself what triggered this behaviour, and what would have been a better way to react. - Appreciate what you have.
Gratitude is one of the most important, yet one of the most forgotten values nowadays. Especially now that everyone is in a contest with someone else, you need to be grateful for what you already have, and don't overlook it while constantly chasing after more.
Instead of thinking of other people, focus on what's really important in your life. Your goals, your passion.
What do you want to do? How would you like to become? Focus on it!
And if you decide to give this your all, you will be so busy you don't even have time to compare yourself to others!
Think about it this way:
Picture a meadow with hundreds of different flowers.
Some are bright and colorful, others small and delicate.
Some grew in the bright sunlight, others in the shadow of the trees, and other between the rocks.
All these flowers are different. And how could you ever compare them?
They have grown in all different conditions, and some would never grow larger or more colorful than others.
... And that's okay.
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