It hurts to admit our falling short of our ideals, standards, and potential.
Pleasant, it is not, finding ourselves in situations so far from what we desired, and taking responsibility for the lack of foresight and less-than-wisest decisions which have led us to the frustrating binds we find ourselves in. Given the unfolding circumstances of the recent economic recession, this is a position many can relate to.
Though - as disturbing as the results of our own unconscious creation may be, perhaps it is through the necessity of our dark nights of the soul in our journey to empowerment, we find ourselves...
Perhaps, it is only through such blows to the ego we experience in our times of defeat, we may develp the humbleness of character far more valuable than the most extravagant of material riches. And perhaps it is the emerging of such humbleness we require in order to be of the type of service worthy of receiving such outer wealth - for would we acquire worldly power without the quality of character to live in harmony with ourselves, fellow men, and planet, True well-being would forever elude us...
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In these moments, we are offered the chance to heal and move forward courageously. Few of us - on this planet of 6.xxxxxxx billion, perhaps 95% of whom live a life of struggle - can attest to a life experience of total abundance, peace, and perfection. The majority of us have yet to undergo the transformations through which such desired states are reached through the confrontation, release, and transmutation of the negative emotions. Though such a wonderful reality exists awaiting our stepping into, the doorway has been blocked by both our resistance to what is and the clinging to the weights of guilt, shame, resentment, anger, apathy, and fear. So long as we've embraced the world views, beliefs, paradigms, and mental frameworks of which these destructive vibrations have remained a fundamental component and glue, the best within us has not been able to shine, buried behind pain - our wealth awaiting, upon the completion of an inward journey few dare to take on fully.
While our talents and brilliance have remained hidden behind the veils of stored energy restricting our awareness to the lower realms of consciousness, the rising energy of our planet is providing the support for our healing, letting us come into knowing our true nature and being that most capable of serving the highest good. The outdated systems of our societies are crashing down, and we have the choice to either suffer or adapt, for the persons we believed ourselves to be yesterday are no longer adequate for our survival and thriving in the new world. Yet, as much as we may want to transcend the limitations of our former selves, and as perfect the conditions may be for our further development, it has been us standing in the way of these realizations...
Perhaps it is a phenomenon of the western world, consumed with the American dream and glorification of material status, that has reinforced the facade many of us put up - though we've known our pain full well in private, it has seemed to remain the norm still, to take on a thick face and refuse to expose our vulnerability. Acknowledging the polar opposite of our hardness - the victim mentality constantly seeking validation and sympathy for our perceived incapacity to rise powerfully above unjust circumstances and "wrong" done towards us out of our control - we glimpse not only our weakness, but the attempts on its concealment, should we be discovered for less than the idealized image many of us have bought into thinking we "should" be living up to...
"If you pretend abundance when if fact you are in need, those who would aid you will not, either by believing you to be abundant or by recognizing your pretense and considering you to be unworthy.
"Furthermore, by pretending you have something when you do not, you diminish yourself in your own eyes and so lose self-respect..."
~ Wu Wei, I Ching Life
For years, I've pursued the path of wealth. Approaching age 27, I've sacrificed near 8 years immersed in the development of my mind, independently seeking the knowledge that would open the perspectives allowing the blossoming and utilization of my capacity to create wealth far beyond that I've ever known or the typical man believes to be possible...
During the journey, I've been through countless mental, emotional, and spiritual highs and lows. Though I have learned more than I ever anticipated and come to develop the vision to see an unprecedented flow of wealth waiting to be tapped, for the most part, I've walked alone, disconnected from the Source and networks through which my value can become of greatest service to the world.
As I've gained incredible clarity on the wealth within, my sense of purpose has emerged, with the direction my life is heading providing great inspiration, transitioning from having always had a feeling I was destined to make a difference in the world, to knowing in what ways I can make the greatest impact with the set of strengths bestowed upon me in this lifetime. It's incredibly exciting, coming into a higher awareness of how all the pieces fit together; there's great fulfillment in making significant progress on the path towards enlightenment and empowerment one has committed to long ago.
Yet, despite what I've accomplished mentally, emotionally, and spiritually - including attracting and building an amazing relationship with an outstanding woman that's exceeded all my expectations, the other major goal in my life besides great wealth - I've been withdrawn and maintaining a front to conceal aspects of my life incongruent with that I strive for and preach...
I've attempted to craft an image to present to the world of a leader, wanting to share the wealth of knowledge I've acquired and know to be instrumental in the creation of an outstanding life. I've thought that is the only way people would listen; after all, why would anyone want to align with someone who isn't successful? However, in doing so, I've compromised my integrity...
In trying to be someone I'm not and seeking approval, I've denied my own brilliance and doubted my worth. I've masked much frustration under the accentuation of confidence - instead of revealing my true journey, with all the confrontations of my shadows, putting up a shell concealing not only my darker emotions, but the permanent abundance of value behind those fleeting emotional states which are mere more than wise intuitive guidance.
And - part of that constructed self-concept was both to mask the guilt of wanting such great wealth while others struggle and letting the ego develop a superiority complex reinforcing the flawed idea my striving made me better than those who've settled for less, while hiding the shame of failing to achieve at an admirable level, by our culture's standards.
Though I had recognized my talents to be of enormous value, trying to prove it through a conscious presentation for the ego's comforting is FAR from putting those talents to use in the service of others. And while it is my most deeply-felt intention to collaborate with groups whom can only benefit from my focused input - creating partnerships for a multitude of purposes bigger and better than any of my own desires - I had been closing off the possibility by not being entirely honest about where I'm currently at and how much I have yet to learn and grow...
Mistakenly thinking I needed a track record of success and some arbitrary level of financial wealth before I was worthy of playing with the people I most want to contribute to, I've lied to both the world and myself. My personal development has accelerated rapidly in the past months, with my eyes open to countless opportunities for tremendous wealth creation (in the midst of an "economic depression," nonetheless) all around - yet, I've now found myself in the worst financial situation of my life....
Upon communicating my insights and demonstrating my value to a seemingly fantastic startup company possessing HUGE potential with the development of a revolutionary electric motor, I landed an outstanding offer paying six figures plus generous equity, after having just scraped by for 5 years while DJing for a living and studying intensely. It felt like I was finally on track - all the self-investment and hard work paying off. However, the venture's launch has been dependent upon the closing of an initial funding deal, and what was at first supposed to be a month's wait has turned into five. In the meantime, my DJ income had plummeted, and I decided to sever the distance between my amazing woman and I - who was also promised a position with the company - moving from Vancouver, Canada to Phoenix, Arizona.
Though the relationship has blossomed wonderfully and has been a huge blessing of wealth, itself far more valuable than any financial figure, further delays with the new venture's funding and my reliance upon its arrival has led to extreme frustration. Nearing complete bankruptcy in a foreign country & waiting on something God only knows when will pan out, I've been given the ultimate test of trust in God & self. The shadows have emerged to be faced, requiring an incredible surrender of ego - putting down the man's pride as I step into the total unknown - having closed doors to the past, finding balance between doubt and faith - diving into the depths of confusion only to call forth the grounding energy of confidence...
Throughout my life, I've had somewhat extreme ups and downs. In dealing with the lows, I've withdrawn, self-medicated, and sunk into the pits of a hellish mental existence - eventually to come back around to a near-fanatical high as my head drifts into the clouds, playing in the world of revolutionary and transformative ideas. Though never has there been such extremes as going from gaining such profound clarity on the bigger picture, in which there's a grounded understanding of my value and its place in the betterment of our world, and facing the reality of self-created present conditions SO far off from what I'm capable of and most desire at the deepest level of my soul...
It's immensely frustrating knowing what enormous potential lies inside, yet feeling constrained by the current circumstances; knowing how much value we have to offer the world, yet feeling stranded, as though unable to move forward while having committed to seeing through what's been started, waiting for factors outside our control to unfold; realizing other options must be explored, while facing the fear of total uncertainty...
In these depths, feeling trapped by present circumstances - having fallen from the height of infinitely expansive consciousness to the confinements of total financial lack - a hearing is called for the confession, examination, and transgression of the self-image I've carried that has led to this point...
A "go-getter;" an ambitious "up-and-comer." An independent scholar, whose acquired a wealth of knowledge waiting to be shared and put into action. A stubbornly-independent introvert who's always gone at it alone. An exceptional individual gifted with creative genius, while also cursed with a somewhat manic-depressive shadow. Someone who's "serious" about success (at the exclusion of fun and happiness). One continually striving; always open to opportunity - so much so, that to pursue one would be to close the doors to others and place limitations on how far I could get. Someone with so many ideas, a new one will shift focus before any effective action can be taken on the last; one who falls short of the necessary motivation for proper follow-through. An aspiring thought-leader, with too many ideas to possibly get down and organized. And on, and on, and so on...
As positive the intention behind the crafting and presentation of that self-image had been, the reality was it has been totally counter-productive, self-centered, restrictive, and a guaranteed prescription for the perpetuation of the conflicts I had been struggling against. Nowhere in that reality is the space for mutually-profitable collaboration. Nor does such a self-definition allow for the full development of one's greatest strengths and their employment in the partnerships formed to achieve the objectives of the inspirational visions shared by so many...
Is this self-conception the reality of the situation? Absolutely not. Is living with such beliefs about oneself - be it these specific ones, or any other set of preconceptions based on past experiences, assumptions, and uninformed decisions - misleading us all, depriving us of the Truth of our capacity for unimaginable greatness? Most definitely.
Where do we come to, believing ourselves to be a mere fraction of the amazing, brilliant beings we are? How likely are we to receive the help we need to rise to the next level when we haven't been totally open and honest about who we really are and where were at? Is it any surprise we've fallen short of our dreams, when we've failed to fully express the power within their essence, putting up a front to hide our guilt, shame, and fear?
Not only have I disallowed the flow of wealth I most ache for in my own life with my past personas, I've denied countless others the gift of my greatest strengths by withdrawing out of fear of being judged for unwise choices I've made in my past leading me into a great financial predicament. Not only have my attempts to focus on the positive at the exclusion of the negative painted an unrealistic, misleading, and questionable picture for those whom may otherwise love to collaborate, its been self-damaging - in that I've been dishonest with myself about what self-created challenged I must overcome to get where I've supposed to be. For how can we ever capitalize on our most precious resources, if we've blinded ourselves to our whole being and withheld it all from the world?
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Let us be thankful, though, for having strayed from the higher road - for only through the experience of treacherous lows may we develop the burning desire for more. Should we accept our shortcomings and failures, we embrace our human frailty - not putting ourselves on any pedestal, but acknowledging the disparities in our lives between our less-than-perfect results and ideals. With this, we can harness the power within ourselves to change our ineffective ways - being okay with where we stand in the cycles of change, humbly opening to lessons we could not learn otherwise but through failure.
Should we worry of being judged, discredited, or discounted for our mistakes and flaws, let us give consideration to the danger another would be taking partnering with one who's never made a mistake - for what wisdom would a person have, if never going through enough experience to undergo discouraging, near-crippling failures? Who would we give more respect to - the man who's never slipped up, or the one who has, and through those periods of imbalance, discovered within himself the treasures to carry him through the worst of times, persistent to co-create the best? Do we really want to associate with those who go out of their way to appear superhuman, or find comfort in the company of those whose humility puts us at ease and opens us to embrace our entire selves, flaws and all?
No matter where we've fallen short, no matter how dire circumstances we may have mistakenly put ourselves in, no matter what pain and self-ridicule we may have carried forward from our pasts, or whatever shadows have haunted us - none of these can compromise our character, should we commit to our constant growth and resolve to emerge from every situation stronger and wiser.
Was it not for the downtrodden times and least proud moment in our lives, how would we know humbleness and the poisonous effect of its immature opposite? Could we honestly expect to receive the guidance, support, and partnership of those more successful than ourselves without maintaining a humble attitude balancing self-confidence and human vulnerability, lest we allow our healing free of resistance to our stubborn patterns of the past?
As fixated I've become on acquiring material riches, and as frustrated I've been with the setbacks and delays, it's been a great blessing to experience the lows along the way. Only when times are tough do we discover what we are made of, and only with self-knowledge can we proceed to create a wealthy life. We may focus on making money, thinking having it would be best - though in many cases, reality differs. Life is not about living up to the ideals of others and fulfilling the desires we've let our cultures dictate as our own, nor is financial abundance necessarily what we need for our spiritual growth when we'd think it. Were success to come easy, we'd be blind to our inner wealth; had we a smooth road to riches, we'd have been deprived of the opportunity for realizing our own greatest value.
Had my riches come in the ways I had hoped for, I'd have missed out on the most awesome expedition of healing and self-creation. As nice as it would have been to become financially free at a very young age, chances are if it had showed up how I thought best, I would have repelled the true wealth I desired in fulfilling relationships, carrying a self-righteous arrogance from having been able to luckily surpass God's greater plan with my own selfish agenda. Had I amassed millions of dollars by now, I would not have had the chance to discover my deeper values and build from the firm foundation of integrity, from which all true wealth must be built and sustained. For as Roger Hamilton says, wealth is not how much money you have, but what you have left when your money's all gone..."
It is the passion we have that keeps up happy to be alive and shining brightly as a source of inspiration for others, which we can only know upon straying off our path and losing sight of the love that drives us to persist...
It is the recognition of, acceptance of, and gratitude for our core talents, which are the most incredible treasures to discover, whose finding can only come with the procession of uncertainty about what it is we truly have to offer...
It is our knowledge - the key to our freedom from ignorance, guide along our path to empowerment - of self, so we understand our capabilities, boundaries, values, preferences, and spirits; of others, should we know how to communicate, connect, and serve; and of the world and the systems we engage in, should we live in harmony and flow with the prosperous nature of our universe - all of which would be unknowable without the often dark, painful experiences giving rise to the desire for such knowledge...
It is the relationships we've built - the vast potential of human resources and ingenuity within the networks we've tied into, through which our value can be leveraged and miracles can be accomplished through the synergistic power of collaboration - a fundamental necessity in the development of our outer wealth, which cannot be appreciated and truly known without our temporary isolation and disconnection from those who we need to assist us in our journey...
It is the character we've developed and refined along the way - the integrity, purity of intentions, attractive personalities, attitudes of optimism, faith, trust, and respectability we come to value highly and understand as the foundation for all lasting, successful relationships - which without having experienced the opposite, be it in others or our own moments of misalignment, we would not be fully able to realize such qualities as those in our best interest to cultivate and take care to preserve...
And last but not least, it is our purpose - the deeper reasons we strive for excellence, the spiritual inspiration driving us through all the chaos in our lives, the calling of our souls we've been put on this planet to follow - our mission, whose clarity can only be seen with the vision developed through the confusions of emotional turmoil, psychological conflicts, and challenges to the essence of our spiritual nature...
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In this rapidly changing world with the collapse of yesterday's order, so many of us are in the midst of our most challenging times yet. We're waking up to a reality in which it's all too easy to become overwhelmed with the confusion we've created through disconnecting from natural order. Yet, in the heat of these seemingly difficult times lies great opportunity. Through our personal test of strength to face ourselves and the circumstances our decisions have brought about, we find more inner resources than we had ever dreamed of awaiting to be shared with the world for the benefit of countless others in the pursuit of their spiritual destinies...
Great wealth exists in and all around us, and though nearly all we could sincerely ask for may be delivered in due time, it can never be an entirely smooth journey. To reach our desired destinations, we must transgress the boundaries of our past, confessing of the undesirable actions we've taken, making peace with our mistakes, coming to acceptance with our shortcomings, and loving ourselves unconditionally in the face of whatever circumstances we find ourselves in...
To heal, we must be genuine in our self-assessment, acknowledging the good AND the bad. As important as thinking positive may be, if we do so at the expense of disregarding our pain, we will never learn the lessons we need to move beyond the wounds we inevitably get inflicted with throughout our lives.
While most deny the full experiences of our most uncomfortable stresses, there is much to be gained through its acceptance - for as unpleasant our tensions may be, they are the blessed signposts alerting us to the divergence between where we are and what we're capable of. Viewed in the light of consciousness, the pressure of mental, emotional, relational, and situational conflicts may become a driving force to compel us forward from the oppression of our given circumstances into a future in which we are free to express ourselves fully, creating ever-more pleasing results and prosperity for those in our lives...
There is no honor in withholding the dark details of our reality - neither in choosing the face we present to the world nor in our self-appraisals - for it is these elements of our shadow - be they character traits, our external state of affairs, or accumulated emotional burdens - which both make us human and provide the contrast for appreciating the joy and wealth. In dismissing the unfavorable parts of our experience, we disown the unity of our being - separating ourselves into fragments, which existing in division, deprive us of our core power. Though, in embracing the entirety of who we are and where we are in our lives - which simultaneously accepting others as they are on their journeys, feeling compassion towards us all as we find our ways - we access the power in honesty...
Only with honesty, can we know Truth; and only with integrity, will our Truths be heard. And only when our Truths can be heard, will the others in our circles benefit from our experience and become empowered to share their own Truths, shining more light into a world ready to step out of the darkness...
--- "Our brightest light can shine only when we've accepted our darkness..." ~ Debbie Ford
written April 2010