This morning, while having a conversation with a friend, he said something that really got me thinking. Although the general concept of his words is something I am quite familiar with, the way he said it was kind of new to me. He said:
You have control of your words as long as you have not said them, but as soon as you say them, then they have control of you.
He simply meant to imply that our words are a set of powerful tools which when uttered, can never be taken back. It is not feasible to unsay what you have said because you can't make people 'unhear' what they have heard. For example, there's this phenomenon I have seen lawyers employ in the court of law: sometimes, while questioning a witness, a lawyer will pass a prejudicial comment, knowing very well that their colleague on the other side will object to it. The judge will then caution him/her and ask that the jury strike it from their records and not consider it when making their ruling. But as I said, this lawyers know that it's impossible for human beings to completely ignore something they have heard. Subconsciously, it's still going to affect their ruling.
It's not very different what what happens in our daily lives. We are not machines, we can not delete something from our memory as though it never happened. Even with computers, there's always some digital fingerprint left behind after deleting data. That is why it is important to carefully assess our comments before we bring them forth. We need to carefully rethink the comment in our heads, examine the impact and consequence of the intended comment within the particular context (because a comment may be appropriate for one context and not the other), and if we find it Ok, then we say it.
I always advise against making comments in the heat of the moment. When we are angry or distressed, we are likely to say things we do not really mean. Or even if we meant it, we would never have said them under normal circumstances. An old friend once told me that if anyone ever angers me and I feel the need to react in kind, I should exercise some restraint for the next 24 hours. He said ' if after 24 hours, you do not feel the need to retaliate anymore, then it wasn't worth getting angry over in the first place'.
You would often notice that even in law enforcement, when arresting a suspect, the arresting officer has an obligation to explain the suspects right to remain silent to them. And to further inform them that anything they say could and would be used against them in the court of law. This is because, in that moment of anxiety and distress, a person may be tempted to say things that will end up implicating them or others. Even if a lawyer is arrested, he still asks for his/her lawyer, lol.
In conclusion, it is OK to remain silent if you don't have anything valuable to add to a conversation. It is better this way than to try to impress people and end up displeasing them.
Before you say anything, ask yourself these 3 questions:
BY @osmansnr from #steemitghana.
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