Do you remember those?
My thoughts:
They keep bringing me back here.
To this place. Where I am and where you are. Still missing a few though and by that I mean, I miss you.
People always come and go. Some return. Many have trouble picking up the pieces. Some feel the burn.
Some of you are taking a bit of a mental break right now. I completely understand and look forward to seeing you again. Take all the time you need. I could use a mental break myself, but I don't think I can stop being mental.
Ba dum tss
It's my blog post and I'll joke if I want to.
I should probably go back and delete the previous line but then this line won't make sense.
Chaos here in this post!
A chaotic world as well.
I turned on the television today for what feels like the first time in weeks. Caught the end of a local news broadcast. The two assigned to the job of telling me what I don't want to hear were sitting far apart instead of near — and proud of it.
"We're socially distant and you should, too. Thanks, have a good night!"
My wandering mind went directly to a thought like: They wouldn't have been able to pull that off if we still used the old square screen TVs.
It's crazy how much the world has changed in so little time.
Nothing is like it was even a few mere months ago. Some of it still doesn't feel real. Is this a parallel universe? Did the Large Hadron Collider send us zipping through space and time like the meme said it would?
I think I'm noticing some residual effects creeping in from the old world.
Wasn't Marty's name, Marky?
Ned's an Asian with nice hair now?
Wasn't Hive called Steem?
I thought Corona was a beer...
That word brings back a distant memory.
Corona.
The town where I grew up had a building named, The Corona.
It was a hotel and popular turn around spot we'd all use when driving up and down the same street continuously for many hours doing a thing we called, cruising.
The late nineties. Seventeen years old.
I was the kid with the car. A little blue Mazda 626 piece of shit that still ran. Fully loaded with features nobody needs. A button that made all the fan vents oscillate, which meant in winter you'd get hot then cold then hot then cold. Another button that would spray headlight washer fluid all over the asses and crotch of anyone I'd convince to sit on my hood (the nozzle was broken and I didn't want to fix it because spraying asses was too much fun).
Anyway.
One night we needed money. Between the four of us, we had a dollar. That's not enough for weed and snacks.
My good friend Joe was sitting in the back like usual because Jared never let anyone else sit in shotgun. Over the cranked Marilyn Manson tape I heard a voice yell:
"I know where we can steal a gumball machine!"
Joe said the day before him and Nolan had cased one out at The Corona. They said it was half empty, so, obviously, it would have a lot of quarters inside.
"All you have to do is back up to the door, pop the trunk, we'll run inside, grab it, run out, throw it in the trunk, then you take off!"
What could possibly go wrong...
Don't worry, I've changed a lot since then, but it was a no-brainer at the time.
So I did everything they said, after reminding them to be quiet when they come running out. "Don't start yelling 'go go go' like a bunch of morons when you come flying out the door with that damn thing," I insisted, and they agreed.
Waiting.
I'm watching everything through the rearview mirror as Jared starts fidgeting and being paranoid, which was somehow normal for this giant nobody ever messed with.
I see one holding the door open, I see the other come awkwardly running with the giant goddamn gumball machine.
Instead of being quiet, the first thing he does is smash the door glass with the giant goddamn gumball machine.
Then he drops the giant goddamn gumball machine.
Then the two of them together can't fit the giant goddamn gumball machine into the trunk.
So the giant goddamn gumball machine is only halfway in the car. One friend is only halfway in the car, and I'm in a panic squealing my goddamn tires all the way out of the parking lot.
In a cloud of smoke, like ninjas, we vanished.
That trainwreck was over. Now on to the next part of the plan which we —forgot to plan.
Jared's paranoia kicked on the nitrous:
We gotta get outta town!
Genius.
So I headed in the general direction of nowhere, hoping to find the wilderness.
The nerves were calm once the city lights were only an orange glow away.
We knew those backroads well and decided to hit up a place we called Two Mile Road.
Nobody would see us there.
Upon arrival, the plan was to simply beat the shit out of the giant goddamn gumball machine until the money fell out.
We had a baseball bat, tools, Jared.
Getting the gum out was easy. I didn't care that it was covered in dirt. Made sure to grab a good month's supply.
Some kind of force field was preventing us from retrieving those glorious quarters though.
Eventually, a few hours later, after everyone took turns aggressively taking everything that was wrong with this world and all our frustrations out on that money compartment, we got inside.
Two quarters. Fifty cents. That's all that was there.
. . .
Have a nice day.
