So tonight, my daughter’s volleyball game was the source of my anxiety attack. What a shitty mom, right? Yeah, I’m aware. I’ve been beating myself up all day over this.
Those who know me, know that I am somewhat outgoing and pretty socially active. So why the sudden anxiety trigger? Well....
Normally, I work nonstop and I attend all of these events without a second to think because I just don’t have the time to process anything... or overthink.
Today, however, I had taken a personal day from work to recover from a long weekend and to get things back in order before returning to routine. So I had time to think. Basically, I had time to overthink. This may seem petty, but I stressed myself to the point of being physically sick because I had to go to this event.
Right before her game... before the loud, ear-piercing buzzers and the screeching children and parents, I stopped to sit down by the river with one of my best friends to prepare myself to confront all of the teachers, parents, and other kids... To get ready for forced interaction.
And you know what? It wasn’t that bad. I was beaming with pride at my daughter’s performance. My heart swelled when I saw her interacting with her teammates and when I saw her succeed. I was able to block out all of those things that I had been dreading all day.
In the end, I’m a mess. I can only genuinely socialize around those that make me feel “comfortable” But I guess the moral of the story is: Get out of our comfort zone if you truly love someone. I love my daughters so much and I would do anything in the world for them. Even if it means going to a volleyball game ;)