Welcome back.
El Jefe grimaced manically at me from my laptop screen. He looked as if someone had given him COVID for Christmas. All shiny and sweaty like a Priest's testicles.
Guh.
I grunted in response.
You have a good New Year?
El Jefe tried his hand at friendly banter as if we were two lads kicking at a leathery old tramp in the park.
Mugh.
I made a face of disgust and shook my head.
Oh, I am sorry to hear that. Well, back at the coal face now eh? We missed you last week.
He sniffed and twitched a little.
I cleared my throat in a hacking harrumph of phlegm then winced as I swallowed down whatever muck had just come up. Not for the first time I missed having a spittoon nearby.
Judging by the struggle to swallow it down I reckon I could have lassoed a steer with the claggy lung-gunk I had produced.
Aye, back at the fucking coalface.
I leered at the screen in what was the best impression I could do of a smile given that it was my first day back sitting in front of the laptop of doom and I knew I would be trapped there for the next eight hours working for the man.
Oh, someone got out of bed on the wrong side! Anyway, so now that you are back...
El Jefe began listing off a gargantuan number of tasks and issues that needed urgent attention.
Some months later he paused for breath and noticed my face glowering at him as if he were a lower bowel bungee jumper and had just poinged right back up.
Did you make any resolutions for this year?
He simpered pitifully.
I took a breath.
Just the usual. You know, learn something new on guitar, try out some new crazy sex positions. Nothing special. You?
I wondered if I should lever my seat up because either it was deflating or I was.
El Jefe brightened at the thought of someone being interested in his fetid and facile little life.
Well, actually yes. I have. I have made a resolution to pull back a bit and let the team take more of the responsibility. I know it will take a bit of getting used to but I feel that the team is more than capable.
He preened a little. Like a dog that has not only shat on your carpet but then gobbled the shit back up and is now expecting much praise and congratulations.
and that's why you don't let them lick you! Except, perhaps in a pinch... down there.
I rubbed my devilishly handsome head and examined the Jefe'lump. He was going to be pulling back and letting his team take more of the weight? But he didn't fucking do anything? Literally nada. Except flounce. I remember he used to be good at flouncing.
Does that mean you will be expecting everyone else to... ahem... pick up the slack?
Inwardly I marvelled at myself for keeping a straight face as I said this.
El Jefe nodded as if bestowing a great gift and looked off to the side of his screen as if someone was tootling a noble tribute to his munificence on a bugle.
I know and don't worry, I will still be here. Probably won't be able to stop myself from butting in.
He chuckled like a big fat Santa without the beard, red suit or presents.
I have faith in you guys. I know you can elevate yourselves and meet the challenge.
He looked straight at me, no doubt itching to cluck and squeeze out a mighty golden egg.
Challenge accepted, boss man.
I saluted him and grinned the grin of a cat drinking gin.
He grinned back happily and ended the call.
I hmmm'd. So he would be letting the team take a bit more responsibility? Perhaps now, we would actually be able to get stuff done?
Oh well, no time like the present.
I stood up and flexed my shoulders.
Time to start on the crazy sex positions. I had heard that the Blue Venusian was a good one, if a little stretchy.
Time to launch.