Got to play a little and lost it all again....
There is nothing worse than to work hard and have it taken all away from me without actually spending it. I have nothing more done right and wrong on the same day. The wrongs far exceed the rights. I knew the outcome yet somehow I did not control my own emotions and greed set in. In a matter of seconds everything gone. WTF!
This obsession is not going to eat me up alive. I will need to relinquish it once and for all. I no longer want any distractions and physiological pain. To cope I focus on what matters to me the most. That way everything else I can let go and not have it ruin my life. We will see how this pans out...