I am feeling a certain level of lethargy. My brain does not want to think, my body does not want to move, my hands don't want to write.
It is not because I don't have anything to write about because I have several projects that I have been procrastinating on and I have the photos, I have the initial format already written but need to flesh more details.
I stare in front of the monitor, the words blurring, the thoughts not emerging, my fingers not moving.
Even reading and listening to some of my favorite authors are not helping as I see the words, I recognize the thoughts and acknowledge the passion they gave when they created it but I try to write down words of acknowledgment that I read it, that I took their words and it moved me but I am at a loss. on what to say.
I don't want to say good post, I enjoyed it. I want to be able to say how it has moved me yet nothing is coming out.
My apology seems contrived because if I truly enjoyed it then I should be able to say it right. It is a bit contradictory if you might say so but it is how it is.
Even some of my writing lately has felt forced as I pull out one of the many half finished documents that I have saved for days that I don't have the strength.
I did mention that lately I have been going back to playing a lot of online games. I think a part of why I am feeling this way is the energy and time I usually use in engagement has been going to exploring online worlds.
Having those goals in the game and wanting to know every way to get better has wired my brain to devote much of its energy and passion to it.
I still like reading though and scrolling through my feed I have seen some good posts to read.
Maybe I am undergoing a burn out of sorts. I have not really been a content creator before and so my musings have always been with things that I find interesting.
Incidentally I have been doing the musing.io lately and at first it was enjoyable because I was answering people especially on things that I can share about my experiences in Steem and Steemit.
Yet the novelty of the experience has worn off and although it does give a nice pay out, I am not moved by pay outs lately.
So I am writing this post in order to make sense of what I am feeling and how to best deal with it. By writing down my thoughts I acknowledge and give it power and substance. By having those attributes I will be able to break down what is going on and try to find a solution.
The solution could also to not find anything and just let it be. Maybe I need to take a breather but one of my fears is if I do that I might not end up not coming back. It has happened to me before in things that I was passionate about but suddenly left and forgot.
It gets easier and easier each passing day, to not check it, to not think of anything to write, to not be there.
I am hoping it is just a phase and I'll be able to go back.