CAUTION: I say a lot of bad words in this post, so if that bothers you, this post isn't for you.
If there's one thing that I absolutely hate about working in an office or in tech in general, it is, excuse my language, FUCKING BUZZWORDS AND TECH JARGON. It's a major pet peeve of mine and it truly gets under my skin when I hear the same stupid buzzwords repeated 5000 times a day from people who are trying to sound technical, cool, hip, or whatever lame trait they're trying to manifest to con you into believe is part of their skillset/personality.
No, I get it, some words that you will hear a lot of make sense and are necessary to convey a point or to converse about a real topic and all of that. But some words are straight up bastardized and ultra-cliche and just sound . . . stupid. These are the words we're going to be talking about.
If you're unaware of they kinds of words that I'm talking about, I'm talking about words like the following, they will be bolded. If bad words make you cry, please to not read on, because I will be using them . . . because I hate these words and thinking about them makes me want to morph them into grade A high school bullies and subsequently beat the shit out of them:
"WOW BRO, YOU ARE SUCH A ROCKSTAR! YOU TOTALLY SLAYED THAT BUG, BRAH!"
"Brah, that meme you made totally went VIRAL! LMAO, BRAH!!!"
"Oh, you're still working on that? Well just PING me when you get done or I can help and we will TOUCH BASE. I am a fucking computer and you should send packets to me to see if I am alive or not because that makes total fucking sense and if I reply with another packet we should find a base and touch it together because that also makes sense."
"Just put it in the CLOUD, brah!" I know "the cloud," is important and stuff, but god do I hear that word too many times a day.
"LOL, BRAH! LOVE UR MOVES, YOU ARE SUCH A CODE NINJA! We are not fucking juggalos or in Die Antwoord. Please stop calling people ninjas.
THIS IS THE WORST ONE: FUCKING CYBER!!!
I will shank you with the nastiest thing that I can find if you are a fan or and also use the word "cyber." To me, the word cyber means that you're like 14 years old, jumping into an AOL chat room to try to mack on some text-babes so you can proceed to have "cyber sex," with them in a private chat. Please stop. Cyber is both played out and stupid. Take a second and say that word aloud to yourself, say it with me now . . . CYBER . . . So stupid . . .
Any use of the above words in our upcoming group of 1337 techno-lords company, @AGORIC.SYSTEMS, will result in both your firing and death simultaneously. This is not restricted to employees, it will be applied to any sentient being. We will kill you for using them as in physically take your life force and incinerate your body. Your ashes will subsequently be flushed down the toilet of the grossest bar bathroom that we can find. You will have no tombstone, no grave marker, you will simply be erased from existence because that is what will it will take to remove the stain you have left upon the Earth. We have to fight for tomorrow, afterall. THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN.
So, I've exposed some of my word-triggers, now expose yours!
Give us some use cases, some examples, why you hate 'em etc!
MAKE US PUKE ON OUR LAPS AND SCREENS WITH YOUR PLAYED OUT STUPID OFFICE/TECH JARGON AND BUZZWORDS!!!
See y'all laaaater!
-MATT-A
Also, now that we're out of the weeds a bit, please do follow my newest venture with my beloved co-revolutionaries ( @robrigo, @rahulyadav, @lovejoy, @timothy-archer, @sensei ), @AGORIC.SYSTEMS!!!