I began to realize the poison of the relationship and our own body was the insult. For many people, as well as for me in the past, insult is a way of life - just stopping to sneak on something and someone gives them a new occasion for snorting and bruising. What is the message of the offender?
If the abuser spoke because, in the case of the mass, he was silent, it would sound like this: "I will punish you, I will deprive you of love and attention, we will see if you will do it this time, and you will speak to me! allow this behavior! "
Of course, everyone has the right to react, to their own feelings in response to someone's behavior, has the right to protect themselves from malicious and manipulative behavior! Where is the problem of an insult then?
Well, a few are ... here's how I see things, because of my rich personal experience with an insult:
People are insulted for bullshit!
I wanted to replace the word bullshit with something that sounds "more" than "nonsense," but in the end, I decided that this word sounds just as childish as the behavior of the offender.
I was overpowered because someone told me that my meals were slightly burnt or salty because I started talking about a noisy company but somebody interrupted me and everyone turned their heads to him because my friend said she was tired and I prefer to see another day and so on.
References one after another coming from close people or almost strangers ... My insatiability was very closely related to my thousands of expectations, especially to the men I had a relationship with.
The expectation of a gift, a surprise, a romantic gesture, a suggestion of help, a trip proposal - all these expectations led to hours and days of bad mood and insult.
Years later I realized that my eating comments were no comments about myself, and even comments on myself, such as being very capricious, do not mean a lack of love for me.
I realized that in a noisy company, the one who takes the word decisively and speaks higher is heard, and is also stubborn enough to try again if they interrupt it the first time. It became clear to me that everyone has the right to refuse me, to disagree with me, and that again does not mean they appreciate me less or do not love me.
I finally stopped waiting and I learned to ask people, especially from the man to me, and accept the fact that they can refuse me.
99% of misdemeanors are the result of a misunderstanding, not an evil intention and a desire to hurt us.
Here is an example - this summer my daughter was in a green school with her best friend. One of the days I had to take the two kids and play with us. But only my daughter came into the car, and after a brief interrogation, I realized they were quarrelsome.
I brought the other girl and I wanted to know what was going on, giving the word first to one, then to the other, without the right to interrupt. The girlfriend said she was very thirsty and my daughter refused to give her water or water money - she preferred to buy ice cream.
When my daughter came in, she said she had a whole bottle of water, but since her girlfriend was very insulted and stopped talking, my daughter handed the bottle to a third girl asking to give her. The water never reached its goal left on the bench, and the two girls were pissed and scowled.
I asked my daughter's girlfriend if she was still angry after hearing this story, and she said that she even sounds funny to her. So when you want to offend, ask yourself if the other has bad intentions.
Generally, people act maliciously and with the idea of injuring them intentionally in about 1 to 5% of cases. Is it likely that this is really happening to you or rather exaggerating? Even those who are hurt and offend intentionally, rather they are traumatized and must feel sympathetic to them, not to be offended.
To be continued ...
See you soon - Kalinka
photo: pixabay.com