“Grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something; forgiveness, however, is for those who are substantial enough to move on.” ― Criss Jami
People’s actions are always driven by something. We may not know what that “something” is and we may never understand it fully, but that does not change the fact that it has a source. I have always been of the belief that when you are witness to an emotional outburst unfolding, perhaps even being in the firing line, that you need to remember this fact…
Holding a certain understanding for this, allows you a broader perspective and enables you to better handle the person and / or situation. In short, a little empathy and contemplative consideration can go a long way.
I am faced with this every day in my business. Sometimes, customers can be completely out of line, ridiculously irrational and simply rude. How you handle those situations can greatly re-steer the outcome and more often than not, will generate an explanation as to why they behaved as such which not only diffuses their levels of anger but affords you an insight into the source of it, therefore allowing both parties to move forward.
What I will NEVER understand though, is how certain people who are recipient to some kind of irrational outburst, and have had the initiator of the incident “explain” the “why” to them, will take that information and throw it back into the persons face – refusing to accept or see that honest divulgence is in fact a form of apology and a request for understanding.
If you cannot control your own anger and emotion when it comes to responding to the explanation of person who has upset or hurt you, then I beg the question – HOW are you any different?! And then what gives you the right cast ANY weapon of looming judgement or to press demands of apology on to them in the first place?!
This makes absolutely NO sense to me whatsoever! If you are not able to “be the bigger person” then what right do YOU have, to demand that of another?
How about we reverse that situation for a moment… What then, if YOU are the one doing the hurt or harm, making the mistake or having the outburst? What then? When you step forward and make an attempt at explanation to the recipients of your anger, would you not hope that they would offer understanding? Or would you be happy with them taking what you had offered in terms of “opening up” was thrown back in your face and deemed “not good enough”.
My guess is, NO – you would not be particularly receptive to the latter!
I am far from perfect and I make mistakes every single day of my life. I am also witness to others making mistakes and have therefore always held the opinion that if you do not want to be judged… then don’t judge others. If you want to be understood – then remember to offer understanding… but do NOT stand there pointing out all the mistakes of another person if your slate isn’t clean!
And the reality of the matter is… NONE of our slates are clean!!
So put that in your pipe and smoke it - and perhaps climb down off that jaded pulpit while you are at it ;)
“Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.”
― Corrie ten Boom
Until next time...
Much Love from Cape Town, South Africa xxx
