I've been fasting for 18 hours in preparation.

I'm feeling better than I was yesterday, but still haven't experienced the huge "boost" in energy and gigantic shift that many claim to have following a Kambo ceremony. It's making me angry. It's making me question all of this. It's making me doubt whether I should be going through with the Aya ceremony tonight with all of the money, and the physical and emotional energy I'll be expending to complete it. Part of me wants to hope that it's because I've already been doing some pretty intense detoxing/cleansing and personal development work over the past few years. The other part of me is telling me to quit while I still can and save myself from more disappointment.

I think part of my problem is my expectations. I started this journey looking for specific answers instead of just allowing the healing happen as it needed to. Meditating on it this morning, I found that I know I'm resisting letting go of certain things and there's still a lot of fear trapped pretty deep within me. I'm still going to go through with the Aya ceremony because I feel that I can't pass up the opportunity that has been presented to me, and I need to shift my mindset around it. I want to enter into this with respect for the medicine and its wisdom instead of demanding the answers I think I need. It's hard for me to let go of the things that I think I need to change, but this is necessary in order for the things that actually need to change to shift. It's this overlay of the conscious mind that clouds our true perception with its naiveté and pride. It's the Ego run amok.

And so, I go forward with a humbled mind, an open heart and a release of expectations. Regardless of what happens, it will be an experience.

Stay tuned...

Jackie O