Started thinking of an endowed right... that money is non-taxable at bare minimum level. If your using it to survive - just to eat and sleep then it should be non-taxable! Perhaps thinking in terms of that concept I had called - The Professional Bum. Sure! Guaranteed annual income. I've realized over and over in a loop that it is much healthier and cheaper not to work!! Could survive on $2000 monthly let's say, yet if you work to buy materials, hire workers, pay all institutions that want a cut, well..sometimes you just break even after spending say $14000 dollars. It would be better if you got $2000 instead for almost free! You wouldn't have to waste all that resource and material to break even, would be much cheaper to society at large if you could just survive instead of perpetual debt cycles that never end. Debt is juggling money, you pay off your credit card to pay for material, pay your workers on overdraft.. then if there's a glitch in payment time you will accrue major interest and penalties - then you may even come out in the negative... not because you haven't worked hard but because you didn't get paid on time let's say..then the vultures rip you.
So anyway I'm in a good place, still able to go on personal life trips! Still able to freak out, still able to feel a longing for more connection. Whew! Those are the feelings your afraid of losing in the false economic system's farce. So many seem to give into contortions of reality that sustains economic gain for someone else. You become deformed to adhere to societal and economic norms. To me that is the scariest thing ever and wonder why everyone isn't freaking out major. I notice people freak out in silence and try and blame themselves, take it personally, which again is creepy. I feel that strange fight to try to communicate somehow in an alienating zone. People tell themselves stories and believe it. How do you question the ether of culture in which you are submerged? You are bound to pick up some of their bad habits along the way.
So nowadays I'm feeling better, trying, succeeding some too. Wrote some more lyrics tonight on the note pad. I'm getting more motion + emotion to struggle and move to get something out. Feeling some kind of mood, not as escape, more focus of articulation. I've had trouble with literal thought myself - how to put these thoughts, notions, emotions, into a more symbolic/emotive/mythical like form like in a musical song. I know I can do it. Just haven't granted time to submerge right into the curative arty interest. I want to experiment like hell and move quickly into a surreal almost pop music. I feel I am underground so would be a commentary on the pop culture from below to rise above from the bottom. That's how it's done.
Okay great, I still have the thought trains intact! That's all that matters! I can maintain the light. I'm not scared anymore even if I have some scars from trauma. Why wouldn't we be effected, if current conditions didn't bother me I would be sick! Being depressed and alienated is a a form of health! Just as long as I respect it, don't fetishize the pain. Ok cool, now I will go to bed again, have a good trip. Will be interactive in the morning, I don't think I have to do too much tomorrow. Still recording sounds lately, getting ready to mix and collage them up.
