In western society, death seems to be a thing not very well understood and even mis-characterized in movies and television. Death is something that us as mortal beings will never be able to escape from nor should we ever want to. Why would you want to be stuck in spiritual boot camp forever? That sounds awful. As I have discussed previously, we are here for a reason and it is our place to figure out what that reason is and to live it to the fullest. Death is simply the end of your vehicle. Death does not mean that you as the spiritual being dies as that can never happen. You are eternal. This does not mean that when family members or people close to you die that it is still not hard to deal with and process, but I think having this understanding does help in a lot of ways grieve properly and to not get stuck in any grief cycles.
There is a lot to learn from being in the same room as someone who dies. To watch someone you love cross over is a very raw, visceral experience that is as real as it can get. I recently was with my Dad when he passed. He taught me so much in my life and even in his death he taught me things as well. I would like to share this very personal experience with all of you.
The last few days with my Dad
My father passed away this past July in 2018 from a rare form of brain cancer (Leptomeningeal Carcinomatosis). He was only 62 years old and was only officially retired for 2 weeks before he passed away. He was a great man, better father who taught me so many things in life both through positive education, but also through negative apophatic actions of things I would not want to emulate in my life.
The last time before this that I saw my dad, he was healthy, cognitive, pretty much his normal self. When we would talk on the phone I would ask him about his cancer treatment, and how things were going. He was always optimistic about things, but as time went on his health continued to decline. It went from things staying mostly steady to within a weeks time getting worse every day and then to getting worse every hour. This made communication with family difficult because that he would be doing okay one day and the next morning he was way worse.
The family that lived further away had to scramble to take time off work and fly in to see him because of how fast things started to decline. When I got in to see him I was warned about how bad his condition had degenerated into. I went into his bedroom where he was lying naked on his bed because he would get very hot and very cold within minutes each other so it made him more comfortable. His body withered away to about 110 lbs from being normally around 180 lbs from the Cancer and the "treatments". Parts of his head were shaven off in the spots he received radiation and his teeth were rotted brown from the chemotherapy.
I honestly barely recognized him when I saw him. He was so weak that he could only whisper when he talked, but he did muster enough strength to lean up a bit and give me a strong hug and whispered "I can't believe it!" because I was there and made it in time. He was holding on long enough for all the family to fly in and say their goodbyes. That is how strong he was. I cried embracing him, kissing him, telling him how much I loved him. I don't think I have ever cried as hard as I did for the next couple of days. I cried so much and for so long that tears would no longer come out despite continuing to cry.
For past few months previous to his death I was somewhat angry with him because I would inform and remind him of alternative treatments with cannabis, Gerson therapy, detoxing, oxygen therapy, immune therapy, light therapy, etc. that was available to him. Unfortunately he wouldn't listen to me and really only listened to what his oncologist said. They had him on a very aggressive treatment schedule of chemotherapy and radiation so much that in my opinion, it destroyed any chance of him ever recovering because his immune system got obliterated. I do understand that it was his life and his decisions so I cannot hold that against him, I just wish he would have been more open minded to alternative treatments as I feel things could have ended with a lot less suffering on his part through the duration of his "treatment".
He did die very peacefully and everyone was able to say what they needed to say to him. His death pretty much followed what Hospice outlines almost to the letter so I would say it is a good guide of what to expect when this time comes.
What did I learn from all of this?
The death of my father has only made me appreciate this life even more and how important every day is. Don't waste your life in a job you hate. Don't stay in a relationship just because it's comfortable, don't hold grudges and resolve disputes with loved ones. Strive to be happy all the way to the deepest part of your soul because if you are not, then you are wasting opportunities. I have made 2019 all about being happy to that level. I have been making pretty drastic life changes that most people would think I would be insane for doing, but I want to live what I am saying here. I am striving to be happy to that level and make the most of the time I have here.
It is extremely important to take care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. You can't let any of these areas get neglected or you will suffer the consequences down the line. I will be doing some future posts on how you can keep yourself healthy in all of these areas so watch for that one.
Death is nothing to be afraid of and is nothing like what Hollywood portrays. They pervert death to be something it is not just like everything else they are involved with. People's eyes do not shut with they die, they stay half open and there is no way to close them that I am aware of. Their organs will gradually shut down and close to death, this will include the lungs so they will go through a period where they cannot breath. It is common to see the fish out of water motion with their mouth trying to gasp for air. Things like this do not get portrayed properly and are deliberately hidden from movies and the like because to see them for real changes you. The death of someone you love is a powerful mover for your life if you let it be. I will do what is in my power to honor the memory of my father and appreciate the time he spent with me and the lessons he has taught me.
When you get to a point in your life when you go through death of a parent or loved one, try to learn everything you can from it as it will change your life in ways you couldn't have expected before. I hope this has been helpful and can give perspective on the topic. We will all die someday so make the best of what you have now, enjoy loved ones, laugh more often, don't waste away in a job you hate, spend more time with your children, love and appreciate nature and all her wonderful gifts.
Love to all.
Photo Credits:
Man going through tunnel - Chris B
Man in the wind - Debby Hudson