I write about my past, my present and my future. Shards of glass that would come in handy when I want to look back at my life. I want silence and solitude, a dome of safety. A place where I could write, reflect on my past, build my dreams and let my thoughts materialize. This community magically came into my life just in time, in which I consider just another unique place in this world. I'll see if readers can welcome me into their warm embrace and decide if I can make this my home too. Contrary to what I had said in the past, I'm actually attached to my readers. This is now my home.
I have given you this special access without fear of judgment, a portal to my past and future. This has become a place where I could also let people take a peek into this life I want to create. I learned to go from warm to cold and never feel the need to stay in a heavenly place for a long time. I found out that there are many things I need to write about without always feeling like I am in debt to the universe. I write for the sake of writing because gone were the days that I needed to please people. But then, of course, there is still this urge not to disappoint everyone, should I just write about yoga, mindfulness, positivity, vegetarianism and glorified Gandhi teachings? There is nothing wrong to write about happy thoughts but then sometimes you need a little darkness to get you going. Make the most of negatives and have a deep reality check. Let things fall apart but create new things to counter destruction.
I probably waited for bad and good things to happen before I finally have the courage to sit down and write my story. I just learned that in my 6 months writing for this community, it is fine to rant, be grateful, feel sad, appreciate things or be mad about this world. It is fine to feel everything and leave no path untaken. It is fine to let others know what you truly feel. That is what's good about this public journal, to have the freedom to write with an honest expression. The constant urge to be authentic even if you might not like it, as if I'm trying to find out who my real friends are in this world. I'm always more than willing to own up to my bad behavior but then I'm also done with this excessive polite loyalty. I learned to cut back on all this politeness nonsense through writing. I learned to revel in this new-found cathartic release of thoughts. However cliché this may sound, it is still better to be hated than be loved for what you are not.
Writing for this community is not only about letting this so-called creative juices flow. It is good to crawl into the past and write about the things that I would rather not touch again. My memory is precise, the past is rich, welcoming and full of revelation. I like the feeling and the tone of memoirs, and the truth about myself that it revealed. Sometimes there is still this urge not to uncover myself that would make me look bitter. I'm bruised but not troubled, but then the attachment to this idea also gets into my ego sometimes, especially when I get pieces of advice on what to do or how I should view my life. So I guess, I fear that ego is always the enemy. I'll just keep on writing to make the past alive and move towards my fear in order to overcome it.
I like to write about myself to avoid getting suffocated in this chaotic world. This is my way to be human these days. I feel the need to chronicle and strategize my goals that will give new meaning to my life.
Journaling heals and empowers, turning ideas into reality. It lets your thoughts crystallize through writing. It helps you become aware of your thoughts and emotions. Journaling can be a huge benefit to you and can also be enlightening to others.