I hope that I can sleep again this wee hour of the morning, I did tried to sleep in the afternoon and actually today and woke up at past 12:00 PM which I thought was an early morning close to sun-up but with that I could not sleep anymore.
I am always greeted by this nasty bitter and nauseating aftertaste which I am trying to relieve by swallowing and trying to clear up my tongue by moving it around. It helps a bit but my pineapple juice seems to not work anymore because my nausea condition is too great or I just might be bored already to the taste of my pineapple juice.
I might as well take my pineapple juice as a frozen sorbet that I could scrape from a mug but it requires that my mother have to take it to me and certainly I will not get access to it if my parents are sleeping.
I've been battling my Nausea for more than a year now, probably two years already so it just sucks to live this way where I am getting not much option but to continue my medical therapy because if I were to stop it my pain issues would magnify and my facial bone would exacerbate.
That is the hard surface and the rock is to take my Parathyroid medicine and suffer its after-effects in my body and give me a hard time having to live my life in a normal way.
But I do not want to return to my previous condition where I am suffering from a lingering pain because of course it is a continuous torture where even a criminal doesn't deserve. I myself would rather prefer on a lockup than to experience that and now but it is here and it is a reality that I have to face and it is also a mental torture having to suffer this kind of drug-induced condition where it should be making me feel better but in a way it is but in the other hand it is not.
Growing older is also taking a toll on my mental disposition, I am not as myself as before because of course when we are younger we are curious, playful, and wants to learn more things. But now that we are adults things get more serious, happiness would take a whole new level, much deeper which is why some people gets sadder and needs to quench it by seeking things to make their lives more joyful. But for myself my body gives me more sadness and if I complain about what ails me people just accuse me of being grumpy not understanding that I am ailing inside and out.
I am actually getting embarrassed in going to dialysis with my kind of age and still my parents takes care of me. My parents should already had retired but they are getting dragged by my demise. It makes me sad to realize that so that is just one of the things that I am contemplating about. I am a prisoner of my own demise and fate and I do not know if I could get a relief because things are getting more complicated and it is getting harder to manage as time passes by.