The world has little room for loners and the solitary — those who are quite happy to contribute to the world, but prefer to do so by themselves.
Maybe that sounds like a contradiction, because those who prefer aloneness purport to not NEED the world, but that's not quite what I mean.
What I mean is that the world's infrastructure is not supportive of those who prefer to be solitary operators. For the most part, the world is structured to support those who are oriented towards "being an active part of" whatever is going on. Teamwork rules. "Group" shit everywhere. "Table for one," looked at strangely.
Seeds on an ornamental maple
If you want to be alone, it generally means sacrificing a lot of the basic human comforts we may think we want or should receive for effort given.
There was a time when I would tell people that my "ideal" job would be some form of project-based problem solving, in which I was assigned a task — perhaps making order and sense of a giant chaotic mess, of some sort — and then could just lock myself in a room for three months, organize the information, and emerge with the whole mess organized and the answers needed in a neat little list.
I was much laughed at, for that. If you ever watched that British sitcom "The IT Crowd," I might be one of those people in the basement...
I remember being much amused at people trembling with horror at even the prospect of "solitary confinement" and thinking to myself that it would be a lovely "vacation" to not have to interact with anyone else for 30 days.
"Dude! You're a sad sick puppy!," they'd say, "Should we be concerned that you might turn into another Unabomber or some other crazy sociopath?"
Raindrops on flower petals
Uhmmmm.... no? I have often pondered why a preference for solitude often wanders hand-in-hand with other people assuming you are mentally ill, in some way.
The world is really not set up for the solitary practitioner.
I can even look at different types of work I have done, and the pay is generally better for things that are people-oriented, rather than solitary-task oriented.
Here's the thing few people seem to grok: I actually like people... as do many of my fellow introverted loners. I just happen to like my people one at a time, and I prefer that one-at-a-time to be social time, not work or other time.
And I'm definitely not some "socially awkward misfit," either.
But this is not really a story about me and my life... it's a story about the general misconceptions that surround those with a preference for solitude and limited "social" time with others... the individual contributors, rather than the team players.
We're really not scary — or mentally ill — just because we approach things a little differently. And whereas we may not make the greatest "first impression" on others, we generally make really good 4th or 5th impressions!
Thanks for reading!
How about YOU? Are you an introvert or loner? Or are you an extraverted socializer? Would you say the world is set up to be more comfortable for the very outgoing? Do you think it's more cultural than general, with some places valuing the "quiet types" higher than others? Leave a comment-- share your experiences-- be part of the conversation!
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Created at 181219 00:33 PST