I am a nobody; I have no importance in general nor do I have any authority over another.
A ghost; I am never seen unless I desire to be seen.
But who am I?
I was born shortly before the 21st century, born into an age of technology and to a father who's known nothing but hostility and survival and a mother who knew nothing but how to serve. A recipe for an unhealthy childhood; my father beat me and claimed it was punishment and adored yelling and bossing us around, including my mother. My mother was a servant and complacent with my father, but tried her best and did what she knew how to do, which was serve.
My mothered served and did so selflessly which was loving but also harmful in many ways. It gave me obesity when I developed an unhealthy relationship with food and she simply tried to make me happy through food, it took away from her getting her college education completed, it took away from her simply living a happy satisfying life other than the time she had with me as a child.
But she did so out of love, as well as lets be honest, a little habit.
Image source: https://www.instagram.com/p/y2VKMyyHJ_/
I have nothing to thank my father for, although our relationship is no longer so hostile, but I have plenty to thank my mother for, from her breastfeeding me till I was four or five, to her co-sleeping with me despite my fathers demands till I was going into puberty where she still never forced me away. She really tried her best and always gave me attention and love as a good mother/caregiver should.
I thank her for that, and I thank her for the understanding of my desires and goals and not vilifying me or being rude to me for having them, but rather listening and understanding and trying to help me achieve them so I can be happy.
While I cannot say I love many, I do love my mother and will always be grateful for the cuddles she gave me and how she has treated me, as without that treatment I really fear what I would have become.
If I do ever marry or go into a relationship with somebody they have to be on board with treating kids like my mother treated me, well, the affection and caring part, not the catering :)
Thank you to all those co-sleeping, baby-wearing, gentle-parents out there. You're more valuable to society than the teachers, the lawyers, the bus drivers, the doctors...everybody.
Image source:
https://twitter.com/mattdpearce/status/822
- mattdpearce
So how did that, all that passionate heart-pouring and praise lead to the picture above?
I was raised poor, given little, isolated, and was shown the evils of the world. I educated myself on political and economic systems, taboo subjects, and much more during those years, and most things led back to one thing: Capitalism.
We likely have a different idea on what that word means, but I'll leave the explaining that to another post.
Who I am is a broken soul; raised in a school that was predominately not my race and with kids who were taught that my race was the one who hurts and oppresses them, raised in a home where my father beat me and treated me like property and where my mother desperately tried to make me happy, raised in a world where profit comes before all, and worst of all raised in a culture where it is unacceptable to love who I love and where I have to lie and deceive just to not risk being killed.
I was beaten down and developed severe mental issues as a result of the above; and while those have passed now thanks to accepting who I am and understanding that what I want isn't bad, and being proven that, some parts do not appear to be repairable. While I may be sane, no longer full of hate, no longer in pain, no longer self-hateful, I still am disconnected from society as a whole and do not like the majority of society, or at least most of their behaviors.
Image source: https://www.theodysseyonline.com/an-open-letter-to-society-about-mental-illness
But I wouldn't change a thing. I would have rather suffered and been able to help the dozens if not hundreds of people I've helped through similar issues and lives, as well as influenced society as a whole to treat them better as well as generally be less vile.
It sorted my life out and taught me everything I need to know, from how to help the ones I love to how to help the everyday person to what I really want in life to how money really doesn't equal happiness and how it's all about personal relations, money is at best a patch, nothing more.
Who I am is someone who had their teen years ruined, their childhood a mess, and identifies as a Anarcho-Communist, a vegan, an Animal & Child Liberationist, and a little more that we'll pretend doesn't need mentioning, mmm'kay?
I'm devoted to making the world a better place for all, especially those who are most unjustly abused such as children and animals. I'm someone who no longer fears pain but relishes in it with a smile, knowing that the pain and hate I may get is all for the greater good.
That's who I am; no edits, no proof-reads, no plans, nothing.
Straight from the heart and destined to be on the blockchain forever.