Well here's me giving this intro thing a try xD Hello I'm Julie, I'm 26 years old but my old therapist said I'm mentally stunted so mentally I'm like 16. I have a new therapist now, she's pretty, tall, and has a black belt so I'm intimidated in 3 ways every session xD.
But yeah, I wanted to use my journey on Steemit and DTube as maybe a step of reaching another level of maturity if that makes sense, see my my dad left the picture back in 2010 when my parents divorced, but I still live with my mom. Both my parents lack in the parenting skills department. My dad was a mental and physical abuse kinda dad, but with my mom it's hard to explain, she's got me and my sister stuck dependent on her like we're still children. When I talk to her about me getting a job so I can save for a car and for my own place she get's uncomfortable, she makes everything seem difficult like getting a job, doing my own paper work for appointmets, because she knows my anxiety gets me scared easy and i'll just give up. She wants me and my sister to live with her and be her "children" forever. But I want to grow up and start my life, it hurts that she rather me and my sister have no life just so she's not alone. It especially sucks that me and my sister are the basement children compared to my moms golden child who gets treated completely different. The golden child is my half sister, she has a different dad. Me and my sister get treated different by multiple family members just because who our dad is. You might be thinking, we should just get the fuck out. I would love that xD but just as much as I want to get out of this place with my sister, I'm just as equally terrified. Due to my upbringing, I have severe social anxiety, PTSD with which I think I hardly have anymore because I haven't had hallucination blackout things in years. Being mentally stunted has made my wants for independence lagged, but worst of all for me I have bipolar disorder. The manic side of my bipolar is amazing, but the depression side is heinous. My last depression episode, I was stuck in bed for 7 days, my bed became my enemy instead of that comfort you plop into at the end of the day. towards the last days of it I couldn't get out of bed to eat, cooking seemed impossible and I dwelled on the possibility of someone coming into the kitchen while I was out there. When I'm depressed, I want to be alone, but it's never enough aloneness like the amount of aloneness I need can't be met, it doesn't make sense. Okey wow I'm ranting, is this considered an intro anymore haha, well I guess my point of this intro is um, I'm on a mission to become independent, I have a youtube channel that I started september 2016, on it is solely my gaming vids. I love playing pc games, during my teen years my dad wouldn't let me my mom and sister leave the house to see family or anything like that. I went years without socializing, but I longed for it. So I would go on the computer when my dad was out with his friends doing drugs or whatever and I would go on this thing called Second Life. You make avatars and interact with other people in virtual worlds. I was too shy to ever talk on mic but sometimes I would talk in text chat, but one of my best memories was when me and a stranger went on all the virtual rides at a virtual carnival together without ever talking or typing to each other, just their presence was great :D. I think about that all the time even though it was like 6 or 7 years ago. But yeah I still love video games and it's my main source of socializing, I have a handful of close friends I've met on a game called Garry's Mod. They're mostly all aged 15-18, which works out because people my age are a lot more mature, they always forget i'm almost 30 xD. That brought problems for me when I was a teen though, for instance this girl I really like showed interest in me in middle school and high school, but when I was a teen I was mentally 8-9. I was more concerned with playing tag and jousting on the brick ledges with other hyperactive friends, although like 8-9 years olds still have crushes, that's what I had back for this girl. But I couldn't pursue or do anything about it like other people my age were. Now I'm here with regret, about the one that got away because of being mentally stunted :/. But yeah so my youtube is only gaming videos, but I want my DTube and steemit to be more. So it will of course have gaming vids because that is my enjoyment - but I want to also talk about my bipolar, depression, just mental health in general really, about my situation, about working towards adulting and escaping. I was trained by my parents to be afraid to speak about the abuses I was going through so I've gone all my life not talking about the wrongs my family members have and are doing, I'm still feeling negative about it, but I'm starting to just not care. I'm tired. So yeah, that's my intro, sorry if it was long and boring xD esketit. hm i'll put a funny pic under to spruce it up. Oh yeah, I want to also talk about how I almost died from respiratory failure from malnourishment re-feeding syndrome, because although it happened back in 2015, I still have lingering problems from it. Maybe I can receive helpful info about it from others who went through it or it'll help someone going through it. also came to steemit because of 2 youtubers I follow @tjkirk and @brianturner check them out they make bootylicious content
