Excerpt: while walking the path of enlightenment, old norms and rules of conduct are challenged constantly. We must look for deeper reasons, from the consciousness level, for our deeds and actions. If we choose to be faithful it must be done because we want to be true to ourselves, not because it's "the right thing to do", or "we don't want to hurt the other". As you may notice I keep returning to the issue of fidelity in a relationship because if you are to go forward on the path of enlightenment you must be totally honest in your lives. Not lying is not easy. Each day I am facing this situation in the business world I am involved in. I could have been richer and more "successful" if I lied here and there; if I manipulated some situations; if I gave in to the norm of dishonesty. But no, I have decided to be truthful, not to lie, for a very important reason which I explain below.
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Hi,
I am 29 years old and I have a huge crush on a cute 19-year-old girl who works with me at the office. What’s the problem? Well, I am married!
My wife is really cool and doesn’t care if I go out by myself or travel without her for a week or more. I have such a good wife who trusts me and gives me freedom as if I were single. On one of those trips, I found myself falling in love with the secretary from my workplace. We had lots of fun together; we fooled around but didn’t have sex. Not that I didn’t want to, but I am married!
Now I am back at the office and always look for her company… she is so sexy, expressing sexsexsex. It drives me crazy… today she didn’t show up at work and I miss her terribly.
Help me! How can I get this nonsense out of my head?!
Angelo
Angelo,
The girl from the office expresses sexsexsex because this is what you want to see. It may indeed be that she is more open with you than with others but only because she knows you are married and considers you to be a colleague who she can trust. Is she too naïve, Angelo?
Regarding the issue of fidelity and your conscience – eventually, you have to live with yourself. Remember that cheating is a severe act that means you have crossed a red line. It nearly always marks a grave deterioration of the relationship which then ends in separation.
It would, therefore, be wise and beneficial for you to check now what caused you to fall in love; what beliefs and feelings created that situation; **what do you lack in your current relationship that cannot be fulfilled with your wife?! **
Choosing to get married is a sacred decision in one’s life. If you married for the appropriate reasons and out of love, then temporarily losing Eros would not be a reason to divorce or cheat. The solution is to go through a thorough inner search, if possible with your spouse.
I have written before about polyamory and that it may take certain conditions to remain with the same person for a long time. It certainly is possible and even advisable as it has many advantages, but only as long as the situation does not contradict your own personal development.
Here is a quote from an answer I gave a while ago to a guy who is in a similar situation, haunted by his lust for another girl -
This desire comes from the need to get to know other aspects within you. It's not the sexy woman at work who attracts you, but the way you act in her company, the freedom you allow yourself that remains suppressed in your legal marriage. Don't kid yourself - if you go with that woman then soon enough you will need to cheat on her too because you will not have satisfied the thirst to get to know yourself !
macorig
Angelo, you are now standing at the edge of a pitfall. You have not cheated yet because it seems to you to be an immoral act. While questions of morality are put aside on the path to enlightenment, as we constantly check our boundaries, they have served you well. My strongest advice to you is - act with honesty! Do not cheat on your spouse.
The simple yet profound reason for being honest
When you lie to other people, be it an act of infidelity or in words, you are building up a thick veil between you and your soul self. You are putting a block, a curtain stronger than steel, between the human self, Angelo, and the soul self - The divine Angelo. Enlightenment in such conditions is almost impossible. Lying is the worst thing you could do to yourself, much much worse than facing this inner passion towards the other woman or having to deal with the reaction of your wife when you tell her about your crush.
Mark my words - lying to your wife or to other people block your way to enlightenment. It would take you years and decades to clear the situation, to lower the veil, and to allow again, the free connection between you and your divinity.
That's it. You heard the message. Now it's all up to you.
Good luck!