Last week, I had a refreshing conversation with a girl, two years older than me. Having been unschooled for such a large part of my teenage years, I know relatively few people my own age. That's not to say I don't know people, just that their age range is larger, which is great. You shouldn't be forced to associate with people simply because you're of a similar age and social background, which is basically what school forces you to.
So, I was talking to this girl I'd just met and she asked me what college I was attending.
'I'm not.'
'Oh, you're still in high school?'
'Nope, I'm just not at college.'
'Oh, and where are you planning to go?'
'I'm not. I'm not going to any college.'
'How cool!'
She seemed genuinely impressed and it felt good, not because I like to show off, but because it's so rare to meet someone who thinks it's a good idea. She asked me again if I didn't have anywhere I'd like to go and I said no.
'Good, I was going to tell you not to go. It'd ruin your life.'
It's so strange to have it confirmed. It's something I've always assumed, based on what I see around me, but you know, you can't actually be sure of things. She told me she's attending a mathematics college she dislikes and didn't really seem excited about her prospects, which was upsetting, since she seemed like a really nice girl.
And it was nice, I won't deny it, because you kinda feel like an outsider when everyone is doing this thing, which you're not. One thing that I've noticed since I started unschooling is that the system has a mighty strong grasp on the way we think. And I keep being surprised at this feeling of guilt, you know, for not following the beaten path, for not subjecting myself to the same misery my peers were subjected to. I know it doesn't make any sense and that it shouldn't matter, but it does. Or at least, it did. Now, I don't care so much. I do sometimes get a strange feeling, a fear of the unknown. What will happen if I really don't do this? 'Cause at this point, there's still this voice in the back of my head going 'it's not too late', which is dumb, because it never is, really.
But I guess that's normal, to have this fear in you, not knowing what will happen next. Because, well, you don't know. And the thing is that even if I did go to college now, I wouldn't know what would happen.
Maybe this seems like exaggeration to you, maybe college isn't that important where you are, but here, it is. Most kids are at college, at this age. But they don't know either. They have no clue what will happen with their lives. They say that a degree guarantees a job, but does it, really? How do you know? I know plenty of people with a degree (hell, some with multiple degrees) who are struggling to make ends meet.
I'm sorry, but that doesn't sound that appealing to me. I mean if that's what I'm missing out on by not going to college and keeping 3 (or 5, or 6) years of my youth, I'm good. Having a degree these days means very little. And what is strange to me is that most people don't see that.
Not just conservative parents or whatever, but I run into people all the time who kinda agree to this point and that sure, I'm right about not going to college. Buuuut...
Maybe I still should. You know, to get the paper, to have a safety net. Seriously, do you know how often, when talking to someone about it, I get the 'yeah, you're totally right, but maybe you should go anyway' response?
And besides, what happened to doing what you love? What happened to passion? At this point in my life, I've never been more in love with writing, with creating. Worlds, stories. It's this beautiful, addictive thing that's completely free and just there for the taking. Nobody's encouraged to do what they want, to follow their dreams. Because guess what, nobody wants you to follow your dreams.
For a long time, I did not understand this quote, I thought it was pretentious. But now I do. When you create (anything, stories, paintings, movies), you become a god. You have the power to draw up anything, to give birth to entire universes. Makes sense why the state wouldn't want legions of gods just doing their own thing and leaving the beaten path, huh?
But maybe you should. I'm not saying 'leave college'. You know, do what works for you. But also try to find that bit in you who makes stuff. The birther, the giver of life, the creator in you, because he/she has more power than that silly piece of paper they give you at school ever will.
And it's an important power, it's the strength you need to survive.
The thing I'm just beginning to grasp is that you can do anything. I can do anything. And it seems to me that there's so much lost potential out there, because so many ignore that. Because when you think about it, it's this really scary thing. Because you can always take the safe road and not do it, whatever it is you want to do, and think how cool you are and how smart and how talented, but you're too afraid to actually do it, because, who knows, it might turn out you're not. And I get that. Totally. It's how I feel. And right now, I'm in awe at the guts it takes to do it. And I think about all these people who are out there, creating and doing what they're doing, what they love, and how brave that is. And what makes it even more amazing is that I can do that.
