I honestly just want to fall in love with writing again. I want to go back to the time when I didn't have to force myself to create something. Anyway...
Avisala!
Where should I start? I honestly don't know how to unravel everything that happened in the first half of 2024. While I'm healing, I noted in my previous post that priorities do change. One glaring change is that my time allocated to Hive has drastically decreased. I'm still grateful to Hive for everything that happened to me in the past four years, but I have to work. If not for @worldmappin, I would have abandoned Hive altogether. There's no bad blood or anything and I have nothing against the Blockchain, but again, I have a life to live. It's a good thing I still have a reason to stay.
There's so much going on in my head that I'm mentally exhausted. I'm just grateful for the work that I have right now because it made me feel this sense of normalcy even if the tasks are so mundane. I mentioned in a lot of my posts before that I hated routine, but now, I'm embracing it. It prevents me from going haywire.
I have to apologize ahead if this post appears like jumbled words and lacks context. I still don't have the guts to talk about my trauma. I just want to slowly unpack what happened until I'm comfortable enough to share. For those who already know my story, I hope that you will give this to me. I just want to tell my own story at a pace that I'm comfortable with. Thank you so much for understanding.
While I might not be always here on Hive, I'm aware of the happenings here. It's still the same old Hive where drama is prevalent. If it becomes too quiet, you don't have to worry because there's always someone who will stir up the mud. It's always the same Hive where the single determinant of success is the price. When the price tanks, expect a lot of doom-and-gloom posts and comments. What's interesting is that the price is mainly determined by the Koreans and has nothing to do with the internal mechanisms and developments here. A lot of blame game is also thrown around and a lot to of "should haves" were also floated, but no one wants to get it done.
Decentralization, I guess.
Despite everything, I still find this place awesome. I'm now trying to filter what I want to spend my energy on. Anyway, loving the HiveFest updates from Split, Croatia. I love how we were featured in the @worldmappin presentation. At least I still have something to look forward to on this platform.
Hive has existed for almost a decade and we're still thriving. If this is just a social experiment of a bunch of nerds and introverts, then we might be running for the longest social experiment. It's one I'm happy that I participated in. There are so many things to be grateful for Hive, but we still chose to look at the price that outside factors mainly influence its fluctuation.
Expectations, I guess.
I'm one of those users who keeps on cashing out their earnings regardless of the price. We are often blamed for the tanking price. We are often branded as leeches who don't contribute to the Blockchain. We are often called out for not having loyalty. No worries, I won't refute those claims. Let me just ask you this: "If you have those earnings and you're having financial problems, would you still choose loyalty to the blockchain over your churning stomach?"
It's easy to judge by looking at the face value, but diving deeper into the issues will help you understand the different realities that hounded those who live in different parts of the world. But of course, no one can force you to recognize those realities when you were already afforded all the privileges by simply living in a first-world country.
Where am I going with this post?
Back to myself, I guess.
As with the title of this post, I'm in the process of painfully accepting what happened to me in the past months. I worked so much to pay the debts and I'm happy that I might be debt-free again this November or December. While it pays well, I sacrificed my social life because I haven't had any excursion since April except when I went to Siargao during my birthday. If I lived in Japan, I might have been a hikikomori. I'm just thankful for the few friends who forced me to go out with them. You know who you are.
In my isolation days, the only thing that keeps me going is TikTok Live. I just watch the Lives of famous TikTok influencers while I'm working and they become my companion, especially during the wee hours. At least I didn't feel like I was alone or sad. Before, I judged those who were consuming those types of content. Now, I understand those people might just be needing companions and they found those in the people at the other side of the screen. Content doesn't need to be funny or educational. It only needs to resonate with the audience. I hope we can learn a thing or two from that here on Hive.
Connection.
I never felt so isolated because I found something that resonated with me. I hope we can also have that here in Hive. Here, everything seems to be transactional, and everyone is expected to create a connection with everyone even if it means faking it. That's what I honestly felt with forcefully replying to all the comments and commenting on others' posts. It should be organic and genuine. I mean you should comment because you want to add something to the post and not because you are expected to comment.
Anyway, that's just my opinion. Hive will take its course regardless of my opinion and at the end of the day, everything is dictated by the community. We succeed or fail based on our collective actions.
I guess I'll end this post here because I already feel like I'm talking nonsense. See you in my next post! Hopefully, I'll be able to commit to posting again even if it now feels so unnatural to me.
Kim Ybañez
Welcome to Kim's small corner in Hive. He is a chemical engineer by profession but a blogger by passion. He is a wanderlust and an adventure seeker. Join his quests as he visits remote destinations, climbs mountains, tries new and exotic dishes, and explores his country (The Philippines). He's also a trying-hard photographer, so stay tuned as he shares his photos and his thought process while creating them.
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