I'm stumped. I love HIVE, the blog part of it, the social aspect and I'd love to keep posting daily about things I love and about news on things I'm passionate about, such as gaming and Steam.
But lately I've been having some terrible fatigue where I just can't find myself getting out of bed. And the worst part is this fatigue is coupled with a severe lack of creativity, all of this stemming from my depression.
I've posted about hypnotherapy on Daily Blog and such, and that helped with anxiety, it truly did, but depression is a whole other beast, and I don't know if I'll ever get rid of this.
@thomashnblum and @malgarise posts about certain drugs and even one about ayahuasca have made me feel like I'm not alone here, but I wish I had the enthusiasm you two have to participate so much here.
My current condition makes me feel like a grumpy old man with no will to do anything but to lie in bed or sit on the couch watching some dumb documentaries or football (⚽ the proper kind) with my dad, F1 as well, because I love it, but there are football matches nearly everyday.
I don't know what could be causing this, and I'm posting just so that I remind myself I'm still alive, to remind myself I'm still here, because I don't need validation from others; but this truly worries me.
I'm just 20, it's not right to be this depressed, this down all the time, just wanting the world to end.
For the Brazilians, as my dad says:
"Quer que o mundo acabe num barranco para morrer encostado"
I used to be so proactive and love hanging out with friends, going to parties, etc. I've always been a nerd as well so spending days in my room gaming or watching anime weren't unusual, but slowly I stopped going out and now I've stopped doing most things altogether. It's like a disease.
I'll have to talk to medical professionals about this, my psychologist and psychiatrist might be able to help. I never hide what I'm feeling, problem is just that the frequency at which I've been able to get appointments has dramatically decreased (I've been using the public healthcare system since I started and I could switch, but the trust I've built up with these people is too big to give up).
Anyway, basically, I love you guys. A lot of people here are fantastic talented individuals who can write way better than I can and that I take mental notes of whenever I read your posts. All the beautiful pictures, the great game reviews, memories and suggestions from incredible people such as @acstriker and @starmangk, both of whom I wish I could just befriend already haha.
I'll stay here, and eventually I'll be on fire. Eventually the 12 year old me that ran his own daily blog on Blogspot filled with his opinions and thoughts will come back... Just a lot less naive, but perhaps not a whole lot smarter.
For now, I'm just browsing. Through the shadows liking your posts and commenting on them, it's fun. Better than Twitter (anything is better than Twitter, but you get my point). The economic aspect also keeps me hooked, as I have huge hopes for HIVE as a financial platform, as a way for creative people to get rewarded for their incredible work, for people to contribute and get something for it. I love all this in all ways.
But for now, I'm forced to rest a little, I just hope you guys don't forget about me 😛
See you soon, space cowboys.
Have a great weekend and a great Easter, muchos chocolates for ustedes.