Photo by DETAVERNIER ODILE: https://www.pexels.com/photo/close-up-shot-of-a-pink-rose-in-bloom-12403599/
Time flies. I I never realized my previous post were that long ago. Then again, I keep on drafting posts and keep on deleting them after a few days.
That's about where I'm at at the moment.
I'm try to fix a broken life.
After getting robbed I suffered with very mild post traumatic stress. On the surface the incident didn't shake me much. Or that's what I thought. As usual I turned a blind eye to reality.
It took a little while but it finally started catching up with me. Apart from growing paranoia and bouts of anxiety.
That wasn't the main problem. That were only the spoon that cracked the egg.
One thing I never realized was that I had a very big loss I never mourned.
I told you about LB before. I made the right choice when I did not start anything. I love my wife and married in front of God. I never realized however that in the world of the Empath LB were my twin flame. Even if we were never in a relationship LB were a catalist and a reality in my life.
Now that I became aware of my own emotional world, I became aware of a loss that is the same as losing close family. A loss l never mourned.
This tapped my energy and damped my drive for over a year.
The biggest lesson of all. Admit your losses and mourn that which is gone.
Finding my feet again became even harder.
I received a massive trafic fine for not having permits I never knew I should have. This closed the doors for me once again.
I queried Bolt, who denied knowledge of route permits or having to register as an operator. I had to go to the trafic department to find out what it was about.
Knowing what it's about, doesn't make a difference though. I can't afford the permits and don't have money to pay the fine.
The car went back to the owner because I can't drive without the required permits. So I'm stuck without income again.
I'm stuck without income again and without reasonable hope for future employment.
Life has a way of just getting more interesting.
On the same day I realise that I can mourn my losses and move on I get the fine that shuts me down.
I decide to be positive and move on.
A few weeks before my friend Rolan put me in touch with someone who could sort out my problem with getting my UIF and Provident fund payouts. I have been struggling for almost a year to get the money that is rightfully mine and this guy were the one who would solve this problem.
Then sudden he had a family emergency. While my sympathy are with him and his son who were in hospital, my mind sang the same old tune. The moment there is hope, it will be crushed.
I wasn't going to give up though.
The first couple of days at home, I contacted the UIF offices. Now if you are not South African, the UIF is a state run unemployment insurance company that pays out grants. I applied for the unemployment benefits ten months ago. I am still waiting for the payout.
The UIF offices informed me that I am still employed by ABC Security. They, after almost a year, have no termination date on the system for me. They sent proof.
The payout could carry me through for a month or two, so I couldn't let it go. I phoned ABC Security.
They said they will get back to me.
So that's where I at. Beginning of next month I I'll go stand in court for the traffic fine I can't pay and maybe sometime I'll find a way to get my UIF and Provident fund payouts.
That is what I am hoping.
Like I said. Life has a way of just getting more interesting.
While I am fighting to get things on track again, hoping to get payouts due and fighting to find a income, I get some time to watch Facebook reels.
Suddenly, unasked a reel pops up. The child in me will forever whish I never watched it but maybe it's another door to my past that should never have been closed.
What I saw stunned me. For a moment the blood froze in my veins for a very long moment.
What I saw were the type of thing that makes you cry in your sleep hoping everything would be alright when you wake up. Waking up made the nightmare worse.
When I found out I am an Empath it took most of three years to prove it to myself and to adapt. That while I was living it.
This time it's not simply going to take some adapting.
The reël were made by a young woman talking about what she experienced in her life. She were ADHD and spoke about the inability she has to take action even when she knew exactly what to do and how to do it.
I remembered being in a piano class, unable to even lift my hands to the keys. Then when I finally did, nothing made sense. After being scolded by the teacher for playing dumb and my eleven year-old self shedding some heart-felt tears, my fingers moved as if by magic and the notes followed each other, each in the right place.
This happened often enough that the teachers decided that, even though I am talented, I could not continue with classes. They added something about me falling behind in my other classes.
It didn't stop then. I remember struggling with my math homework years later. I would sit in front of the books. Nothing made sense. Not one formula even looked familiar while I knew that this were simple stuff I knew.
Then, after the frustration got too much and the tears flowed I calmed down I would pull up the book. Suddenly the numbers, letters and symbols would flow from my pen as if I were reciting a poem I thoroughly memorized. It came with no effort, each digit following the previous in it's rightful place. Each task perfect completed.
I still hate crying when I am doing it.
The Facebook reel led to more of the same. The AI did it's work property and the list of information from different sources that corresponded with my life just grew.
My heart grew cold. I possibly have ADHD.
This time around I'm not going to base my assumptions on information corresponding with what happens in my life. I don't have money or resources but I am going to find a doctor who can make a real diagnosis. I'll find a way.
Tomorrow I am going to the courthouse in Stellenbosch to see if I can find any assistance on those fines.
I'll update you soon as I can. Until then, stay safe.
I appreciate your support.
Live life to the fullest.