Much thinking power goes into planning trips, adventures, parties, and other such little special occasions to bust us out of stale rituals and old routines. And yet, pleasurable as these little things are, they are not sustainable as a long-term activity. You can't spend all your time travelling (well, arguable.), or having parties, or sky-diving or whatever.
Even more importantly, they'd cease being special if you did. Maybe not the travelling, because there really is no shortage of new places to explore, but the rest? I mean try going out clubbing every single night, and you'll see it starts to become a drag rather than an enjoyable special event.
And while many focus on these special, isolated events as bringers of joy to their life, I've found it's far more helpful, rather than put all your cash and energy into singular once-or-twice-a-month events, to develop a routine, a stream of little, inexpensive, not-over-the-top things to keep you happy.
As much as I love an adventure, I've found unexpected satisfaction in developing a routine I actually enjoy. Finding small things that might not make my Wednesday stand out, but nevertheless make it enjoyable.
Walk it.
I actually walk a lot. I love walking because it's a two-birds-one-stone type of thing. It gets the blood flowing, and gets you healthier and all, all while taking in some sunlight and fresh air (and getting you places!!). But really, I favor walking to taking public transport, because public transport seems so automated, so routine-inducing to me.
This morning, I went to a yoga class, and after a bit of confusion getting there, I decided to walk home afterward. The weather was lovely, and I know the area well. I even ditched my customary headphones, and just listened to the streets. I could've, of course, hopped on a tram and been back home, save about ten-fifteen minutes.
But I knew if I did that, I'd just stand on the tram like a zombie, listening to my music or my podcast, and just tick off the seconds until I was magically transported back home. I don't like that, so I prefer to walk as much as I can, particularly if the weather's nice, and I'm not in a hurry, because it forces me into my own body. It makes me pay attention. Not just to the world around, but to myself.
Reading in the sun.
I've always loved reading in the sun. It's a very simple pleasure, and it didn't occur to me until recently just what a luxury it is. First of all, not to be beholden to a 9-to-5 job which probably wouldn't allow me to vanish for a few hours at noon to sit in the park and read.
Secondly, to have a place where I can just sit in the sun and be calm and free, and enjoy the warmth and air. I was doing just that yesterday in a park right near my house. A simple, neighborhood park that's not much to look at, and normally I'd think "that's not a luxury, it's kinda lame", but yesterday I was sitting there, sipping my coffee, and reading my book, and I looked around at the many families with their small children, and thought,
at least we have this moment of peace.
People in the midst of war don't get to take their kids out to the park for some candy. Girls like me don't get to sit about and read, and worry about singeing their tongue on the coffee. And all at once, I felt flooded by such immense gratitude, and silence. For suddenly, all those little nagging voices in my head saying it's boring or lame or that I could be in Paris, they all went really quiet, thinking "well, this is a bit of a luxury, innit?".
I cry a fuckton.
Okay, bit of context. This post is actually an answer to the MINIMALIST question for this week, namely,
What are some simple mindful activities that you engage in, to balance and stabilise your moods?
And I know it's weird to some. I also have friends who don't think it's weird at all, and do it, also. But crying, for me, is an extremely helpful mood stabilizer. Don't get me wrong, I don't think, well, I haven't cried in a bit, so maybe I should schedule a cry, but sometimes I'll just be thinking about the most random shit, and burst into tears. Sometimes, I'll feel extremely low, and there's a lot of pressure in our society to suppress that. To toughen up. Because who cries?
But actually, when you cry, you release all this pent-up frustration and energy, and it actually leaves you feeling super relaxed and calm and confident. It's a terrifyingly potent mood booster.
As well as a great invitation to introspection. Just the other day, I'd let my mind wander, and I started crying, and so I let myself get through it, then I sat down and thought okay, what about that train of thought prompted the outburst? And what is that saying about how I feel about this situation? It was extremely insightful, as I constantly calibrate where I am in life, and what's happening in myself.
Crank up the volume.
The other day, someone was commenting about one of my tattoos, which is a sort of tribute to a local band. And they said, you must really like that band.
It's not about that. None of my music-related tattoos are. Rather, it's about being at a point in life where someone's song or words or voice can reach into where you are, and hold your hand and be like, I feel this too. When I'm feeling thrown off emotionally, I turn to music a lot I have a few go-tos, many of them with "get fucked" attitude. And between you and me, there's nothing like belting out a good "fuck you" song when you're feeling upset or hurt or angry.
There's also some "it's gonna be alright" songs. For me, Leonard Cohen's Come Healing is one such song. Less song, and more prayer set to melody. Sometimes, you need to hear it's gonna be okay from another person's mouth, you know?
It rubs the lotion on its skin...
I'm someone who's always loved skincare, but like many women, I'd just smack some moisturiser on my body and not even think about it. Over the past several months, I've developed this wonderful little set of routines, one in the morning (face moisturizer) and one in the night (rest of the body).
And for both my face and my body, I'll take the time of applying lotion to really acknowledge my physical self. I'll massage and tug on the muscles, and try to get the blood flowing. Not only does it help the skin absorb the lotion, it's also a great opportunity to really look at and feel your body, which we don't always do, again, we autopilot.
As for emotional regulation, this works because it says, here's 7 minutes for you to not have to do anything else, just focus on your body, and pamper yourself a bit. That permission is really all it takes to dispel worries and put me in a good mood sometimes.
Obviously, there's other things, like yoga and meditating (something I'm still working on), and spending time with loved ones. But these are my go-to methods of self-regulation, and I practice them as often as I can. Not consciously, I don't set out to do them necessarily, but I find I always get on edge if I haven't done them in a bit.
What about you? What's your go-to mood enhancer?
Cheers to the lovely @millycf1976 for the words.