I teach a beginner guitar class 3 times a week, something I've done for several years now.

But this one is certainly unique. Or maybe special is a more apt word.

In previous years, I have students who have never picked up a guitar, and others who already have private classes at home but just aren't quite ready for the advanced class.

But regardless of this skill gap, they're all generally on the same page: We learn about 30 simple open chords within a couple of weeks, we learn to read guitar tab and chord charts, and within a month every student has learnt at least one proper song, if not several.

At this point in the semester, they are generally learning about simple scales such as the pentatonic and major scales. They know how to hold the guitar, though their wrists are a bit stiff and some rhythms can really throw them off - but that's totally cool. It's early days.

This year, though...

I've honestly never experienced anything like it. They're all nice kids so I don't want to say anything negative about them but by jove, they're all absolute beginners except one guy, and they seem almost unnaturally incapable of the most basic, fundamental tasks.

I've had to completely rewrite my plans and expectations of this year-long course, redesign it to match a more kind of kindergarten or even pre-school level of guitar.

We're in high school, so these kids are there with new found interests in music and just want a hobby class, and this one is a great one for it. But being in high school, it doesn't need much explaining before they understand the numbers assigned to each finger.

'So this is finger 1, 2, 3 and 4. Got it?'
'Got it'
'Good'.

That's normally the end of it. Even the right hand's PIMA system (Pulgar - Index - Middle - Annular) is picked up within a single class where we're doing various arpeggios with a range of variations (PMAI, IAMP, etc).

But in this class, I have barely even touched on PIMA yet, because it seems the majority of the kids can't seem to fathom what FINGER 1 means!

It's not a language barrier thing, they all speak English, but they're all very timid. A couple of them look like they've been brought up in very isolating, perhaps abusive families. Two boys do weird things with their legs that are kind of the equivalent of crossing one's arms when feeling insecure. Like a kind of double-wrap around crossed leg with the guitar uncomfortably balanced on bones.

Very, very skinny two boys there. The girls are also very very shy, and I think combined I don't think any of them have had any tactile experience since childhood. Like, have they ever picked up and played with an action figure or doll? Have they ever kicked a ball?

It makes me mighty curious what kind of kids are being brought into the world.

Put finger 1 there. No, not there, there, where I'm pointing. No, that's finger 3. Finger 1, this one. See my finger? This one on your hand. No, that's finger 2. Finger 1! Ok, now put that finger HERE. No not there, here.

This is after several weeks of classes.

Like, I could be the worst teacher in the world and this would not be the outcome. Most people inherently understand that if you say this thing is number 1, then number 1 is this thing.

Now, apply this strange confusion to everything and it makes for the most bizarre guitar classes. One kid was trying to pick the strings while holding his fingers parallel to them. When curling his fingers, he looked genuinely confused that it wasn't making a sound as he brushed helplessly up and down the space between strings.

I just can't fathom it! They're not mentally challenged or anything, they're normal kids. One of them I have in my other class, Music Technology, and he's perfectly capable on the computer mixing with EQ plugins and such. But put him on a musical instrument and he's utterly hopeless.

Several of them get their fingers stuck in between strings when strumming chords, and I've lost count how many times I've had to repeat, well, anything really.

Well, I don't mind. It makes my life easier. I don't actually have to plan or prepare anything for this class. I just turn up and spend 45 minutes discussing the absolute basic fundamental movements of the human physique. Easy Peasy. And they're all very well behaved so what do I care?

It's just... odd.