Maybe now is a good time to leave the circle, I thought. Maybe if I grab my bag real quickly and head for the closest exit nobody will care. Oh my god I’m so embarrassed! Why did I think a church could redeem my soul?! I saw the flier last week on a community notice board on my way to work and it said “free counseling for all with Dr. John Walker. No judgements”. I thought I need to be saved from myself. I’m at a really low place right now and I need to STOP. I thought this would be good for me. My behavior is getting out of control. Church people are such misogynistic, hypocritical fuckwits! The tears welled in my eyes before I could stop them. I look at the doctor and he quickly hides the shock donning his professional mask.
“Welcome, Cleopatra”, he says smoothly his eyes not leaving mine as he tries to calm his usually chirpy group. “Everybody is welcome here. Remember, we create a judgement free space for all.”
“But this is the house of God! We don’t have space here for people like her”, one woman whose name-tag said ‘Mary’ spat.
“Not a raas! Nope I’m not staying here!” I muttered under my breath. I acknowledged where I was, and in spite of their reaction to me I was taught not to disrespect the house of God. I grabbed my bag.
“Cleo, please don't leave. You are here for help and i will help you.” He spoke directly to me his eyes never leaving mine now spilling the tears. “He who is without sin cast the first stone, I think the Bible said. You guys should be ashamed of yourselves. When your pastor asked me to do these sessions I wasn’t aware that we would be turning people away and I’m sure the flier said no judgement.” The room was quiet as he spoke.
The irony of no judgement in a church is not lost on me as I mentally shake my head. I probably should have thought this through but I needed anonymity.My career as a successful lawyer was on the line if anybody in my circle including my family knew who I really was.
The reveal
I stood stock still trying to decide if I should leave or bite the bullet. He walked to a table at the side of the room laid with refreshments and poured a glass of water from a pitcher. He stood before me and handed me the glass. I didn’t take it. I just stood there looking at his figure through the haze of my tears. His smell was Burberry. I recognize that scent anywhere as I have that same perfume sitting on my dressing table. It was given to me by someone special... He took my hand in his, mine cold and clammy and his soft and warm. He lifted my hand like a puppet and placed the glass in my palm. The coolness jolted me to break the contact of our eyes locking.
“Thank you” I whispered shakily.
He smiles and walks back to his position in the circle.
“Cleopatra, please share with us what’s going on. You didn’t come here by chance. You came for a reason.”
I looked around again and there were literal sneers on the faces of those who attempted to look at me. Others chose to avert their eyes to anywhere but me. I already confessed so there’s no turning back, and this doctor was not giving me a way out. I felt trapped. So I took several deep breaths and I started. My mind went back to seven years ago when it all started and I started talking.
“Cleo lets go to a party up town nuh!”, my then roommate Patricia said excitedly as we sat in our shared studio flat. She loved to party but I needed to study. I needed to be focused.
“Pat, I need to study. You can go with Chris, him nah go?” Chris was Patricia’s boyfriend.
“Yea he’s driving but I want you there. You never go anywhere. Please come with us and i promise I will cook dinner for a week”.
I rolled my eyes. “Fine! But you need to give me something to wear. You kno mi nuh have party clothes like that.”
“No worries! Here!” She threw a short red dress at me. I looked at it skeptically. “You can wear the nude stilletoes in the closet with that”.
“Ok”, I rolled my eyes.
“Stop rolling your eyes at me. It’s going to be fun, trust me.”
So that’s what I did. I trusted her. I was dressed in the tight fitting red dress, nude stilettos, my hair was swept to the side and I wore her harlot red lipstick. The dress accentuated the curves that I so liked to hide in my comfortable yoga pants and over large clothes and it showed way too much cleavage, but I felt sexy as fuck. Pat wore all black. Tight black shorts, black tank top that tied under her perky breasts and black stilettos.
When Chris arrived to pick us up, the minute Pat got into the front seat of the white Mercedes they started groping at each other. His tongue was in her mouth and he bit her lower lip. His hands found her breasts and he exposed one nipple and sucked hungrily. Why didn’t I feel some kind of discomfort watching this? My mouth turned dry and my palms became sweaty. I tried to look away but I couldn’t. I saw Pat naked a hundred times and I wasn’t moved, but watching Chris kissing and groping her like that made my virgin pussy tingle. That was my first taste of arousal. Pat’s hand moved from his neck to his crotch where there was the telltale bulge of his aroused dick. I swallowed, my throat was parched, my breathing labored and my eyes widened fractionally hoping she would unzip his pants. She didn’t, they became aware that I was also in the car and stopped. Chris turned and smiled a little embarrassed while Pat arranged her blouse back in order.
“Sorry, Cleo, but me cyah keep mi hands offa da fat pussy ya. She lucky you in here or I wudda fuck har right ya so.”
I stared at him. I had no words. My emotions were all over the place. Was this really what horny felt like? I was lost in my thoughts and I became amazed at how sensitive my body became. Maybe it’s the stress of final exams making you feel things, just relax. I wish that was what was causing my body to betray me. It’s as if I had no control over my body’s reactions.
We arrived at the party and there was the usual loud music, bodies gyrating and heavy alcohol. I found a corner to stand while Pat went off with Chris to mingle. I was so confused with my body’s reaction. What the fuck was going on with me? My pussy throbbed uncontrollably and my nipples became tight little nubs. I realized I wanted someone to suck my nipples like Chris did to Pat and touch me in places no one has ever seen or touched before.
My wish would be granted that very night when I saw Sean. I guess this was not just my first taste of arousal, but my first taste of sexual chemistry. I saw him at the bar, dressed in brown with a small stud in his left ear. He looked older, maybe closer to 40. There was a sexy and sophisticated authority about him. My mouth got the dry feeling again and I wished I could get a glass of water or something. My heart started racing again. ‘Listen, I control you body, you do not control me. Calm the fuck down! Look at him he would never look at someone like you!’. I was berating myself to calm my hormones. The man was about 6 ft 3 inches tall, his head was shaved and he had a well groomed goatee at his chin. His lips were thick and I could see his muscles flex as he brought his drink to his lips. My mouth fell open as I stared openly, maybe even hungrily. I want him. That revelation shook me and I said ‘No! Not a raas! What you need is to go home and study!’ I must have looked like a crazy person talking to myself. I was about to turn and walk away to find Pat and Chris and our eyes locked. Time stood still for what seemed like minutes as we stared at each other, then he smiled and I turned and scampered away like a frightened deer.
The property was huge. Trying to locate Pat and Chris was next to impossible especially in the crowd. I gave up after a few minutes of trekking through grass in the stilettos. I gave a loud exasperated sigh and stopped under a tree away from the crowd. I needed a moment to gather my thoughts and to give myself a talk.
“Hi”
I sensed his presence even before I heard the deep throaty voice behind me. The hairs at the nape of my neck stood and the whirlwind of hormones began to take over my body again. At this point I had lost the battle of trying to tap down my arousal. It was real and it was strong.
“Hello”, I turned and said after taking several deep breaths.
“Are you ok? I noticed you were walking around. Are you looking for someone? I’m Sean by the way,” he smiled and all hope was gone for me.
“I’m Cleo. I’m ok, thanks”.
“Nice to see an unfamiliar but beautiful face like yours. Ive never seen you at any of my parties before. Is this your first time?”
“I’m not much of a party person. I’m here with friends.” I Imagine that I looked and sounded like the virgin lamb to the slaughter to this sexy, handsome beast of a man.
“I hope you’re enjoying yourself. If you’d like I could keep you company for a minute,” he said.
“It’s your party. You can do whatever you want”, I said but in my mind I was really saying ‘can you touch me with those hands, please? Can I taste your lips? I’m curious.’ I don’t think the few awkward kisses I’ve ever had could be counted as kissing. It hit me like a wrecking ball, I’m 21 and I’ve never really been kissed or touched and I wanted it. I wanted him to do it.
This seemed so unnatural. Usually men seek their prey and chase it but right there in that moment, I felt like I was the hunter. The roles were reversed. What would a hunter do? I was intoxicated by my own arousal and his scent...Burberry. I wanted to feel what Pat felt when Chris sucked her nipples. No sooner than the thought left my mind I caught him looking at my breasts. They were a nice C cup size and my nipples were straining against the polyester fabric of the dress. How could he see that in this bad lighting? And was he able to read my thoughts?
“I’m sure your boyfriend must be worried and trying to find you in this crowd and huge space.” He said the classic lines fishing for information. “And why are you hiding in the dark? You are absolutely gorgeous, you should be mingling”.
“I don’t have a boyfriend and I’m fine here by myself. I’m not into mingling” I’m not a people fan”.
He laughed at that. The sound was that of a confident, sexy man.
”Does that mean you don’t want me here right now?”. He stepped a little closer to me when he said that and I instinctively stepped back. He stopped.
“Cleo you are beautiful and I can sense your innocence. It’s intoxicating. This may be the alcohol talking but I want to taste those red glowing lips”.
Did he just say what I think he said? Did he actually just say he wanted to kiss ME? “I...” I opened my mouth but no words came. I was being betrayed by my body. He stepped closer and I retreated until my back was against the tree. What kind of tree? I couldn’t say because I was so caught up in him and what he was doing to me.
His face was mere inches away from mine and I could smell the Ciroc on his breath mixed with his Burberry cologne, though I doubt he was drunk.
“Cleo, I don’t know what it is about you but I want to kiss you” were the last words he said before he closed the distance and his lips actually touched mine. I jumped back, but there was no where to go. He had me captive between the tree, my desires and his lips.
The kiss was very gentle at first. As if he was testing the waters. My lips were still closed and my eyes open as I couldn’t believe what was actually happening. ‘This was what you wanted’, my subconscious echoed in my mind. ‘Allow yourself to feel for once in your life, Cleo. Just let go’. And I did. I closed my eyes and opened my mouth to really taste his lips. He took the opportunity to delve into my mouth with his hot tongue. He tasted like Ciroc and sexy. This man, this stranger was my undoing. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he clasped my ass and pulled me to him not breaking contact with my lips. He bit my lower lip and then soothed it with his tongue. He squeezed my ass a little and I moaned into his mouth. It was a battle of lips and tongues. If this was what kissing was, this man wrote the god damn manual. I was lost and I knew it. I was unable to form coherent thoughts, I could only feel all the new sensations coursing through my body. He broke the kiss and rested his forehead on mine and said, “I’m sorry, but there is something about you, Cleo and I want to be the one to uncover it.”
“So, why are you apologizing?” My voice sounded strange almost as if I didn’t say the words.
He smiled and without another word his tongue was plundering my mouth again. The hands on my ass trailed up to my waist and touched the sides of my breast. I pushed myself further into his hands and body. I could feel the bulge of his dick on my tummy. His hands moved from the side to the front of my breasts teasing the nipples through the fabric. I moaned deep in my throat. It was as if there was a live wire directly connecting my nipples to my pussy as raw heat coursed through my veins and pooled at my center. His lips left my mouth to kiss and nibble my neck, then further down to the top of my exposed breasts. His teeth found my nipples through the fabric of the dress and he caught the nub between his teeth. “Ahhhhh...”, I moaned. He slipped the v of the dress down just a little and exposed the nipple he assaulted. He drew it into his mouth and sucked. First gently, then hard.
”Fuuuucccckk” I groaned, my head held back and eyes closed. My panty was now wet as I clamped my legs together trying to stop the inevitable. I was gushing pussy juice, something I didn’t know I was capable of doing. He exposed his next target and drew the nipple into his mouth and sucked and nibbled. My knees were weak. Can someone cum just from having their breast sucked? Well, if not I must be an anomaly because the more he sucked and nibbled the more the walls of my pussy contracted and my juice flowed.
“What’s...happening... to... me?” I whispered between breaths. He continued his assault not bothering to stop to answer my question. “Sean, I think I’m cumming...” my body shook with the tremors as he continued to mercilessly suckle and bite my nipples. In that moment i just discovered one of my spots.
He held me as my body shook and kissed me softly. “Was that your first orgasm?” He asked as he held me in the aftermath, my body still trembling.
Embarrassed I tried to pull away from him as I muttered, “yes” and attempted to fix my dress to cover my exposed breasts.
“Oh baby there is so much I would love to teach you. Just say yes, please.” His lips are at my ear and he bit my lobe when he said please.
An involuntary shudder went through me at the feel of his teeth on my ear. “Say yes to what?” I’m still reeling from the orgasm he gave me by just sucking my nipples. I must admit I was curious and I wanted more.
“Did you like what I did to you just now? Wait, don’t answer that your body is still shaking. You can't deny what you felt.”
How do I communicate to this black Adonis that not only did I want more but I also wanted to give him more? “I...oh fuck it!” I didn’t have the words, I did what my body wanted me to do. I claimed his lips with mine. I could feel his smile. “Why are you laughing at me?” I felt self conscious embarrassment and stepped away from him. I thought he was laughing at my naïveté. How does one describe disappointment, embarrassment and arousal? I started to walk away and he held on to my upper arm.
“Babygirl, I can assure you that laughing at you is not one of the things I want to be doing to you right now” He pulled me to him a little roughly and claimed my swollen lips again. This time it was not slow and sweet it was heated and fierce. He held my chin in place, using his lips to show me that he was in control of the game.
“My sweet, innocent Cleo, I want to fuck you jacked up against this tree. I want to fuck you into next next Sunday, but I know you’re not ready for that kind of fucking yet. Come with me. Do you trust me?” There was something about his voice that made my knees weak. The question was left unanswered. I didn’t have an answer to that question. I still managed to follow him as he lead me farther away from the throng of party people and toward what seemed to be a pool house.
Being aroused is stronger than the influence of alcohol in the blood stream. This is the heightened sensitivity of every part of your being. You are unable to think pass the throbbing of your core. I guess this is how Eve felt being lead away by the serpent, but who was really the serpent here? I felt like I wanted this more than he did. I had never before in my life felt these feelings. They were remarkably unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, EVER. He opened the doors and flicked on the lights. The lights were dim and casted a soft glow over the sparsely furnished room. It was more like a man cave than a pool house. There was a large sofa, large flat screen on the wall and to the far right corner was a queen bed closed to a door that I’m guessing was the bathroom.
He stopped, a little hesitant,“Cleo...”he began but I stopped him by wrapping my arms around his neck and molding my body to his. He didn’t resist, he was as lost as I was. The words of Alicia Keys rang in my ears, ‘I don’t wanna forget the present is a gift and I don’t wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me. Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed. So every time you touch me, touch me like this is the last time, every time you kiss me, kiss me like you’ll never see me again’. There was the possibility that I would never see him again and I really wanted this with every fiber of my being.
He lifted my body effortlessly and carried me to the bed. We fell in together tongues still locked. Lost in a frenzy of lips, tongues, limbs and moans I didn’t know when he removed my clothes. I was lying sprawled naked before his eyes. A moment of self conscious doubt crept in but it lasted less than a millisecond as I watched him remove his clothes. My mouth took on that dryness that I now associated with my overpowering arousal. His shirt went first and I could see he spent a lot of time in the gym. My eyes devoured every inch of him as he deliberately peeled his clothes off. Who was this guy? The question registered deep in the fog but was soon gone. My eyes went from his bare feet and travelled slowly up his sculpted legs. Somebody didn’t miss leg day. My eyes lingered on the bulge in his boxers. I was mesmerized. I licked my lips to soothe and moisten them. They were swollen from his kisses.
A small gasp escaped my lips when he walked toward me leaving his boxers on They didn’t do anything to hide his size and girth. This was really going to happen. This man was going to fuck me. Why am I not afraid? I think there is something innate in me that automatically prepared my body for this moment. He slowly descended on me placing small kisses all over my face- my forehead, my nose, my eyes, my cheek and finally my lips. He took both my hands in one of his and stretched them above my head trapping my body and movements.
“Don’t move” he whispered in my ear and bit down on the lobe. It was hard not to move. Everything was still so new to me. He trailed kisses down my neck, sucking at each spot he kissed. He moved lower to my breasts and the tension started building again. What the fuck?! How many times can a person cum without passing out? He licked, sucked and bit my turgid nipples. He moved lower to my navel, kissing and blowing soft air on each spot. Was he going to go lower? Please don’t let him go lower. I was wiggling. He held me still.
“Baby, I will not hurt you. Trust me. Relax and feel.” he said deeply. I could see the control he was trying to hold on to. What would happen if he lost that control? I didn’t care I needed him deep inside me to quench this fire that was building. Was I bad for wanting this? I didn’t care. His lips were now on the inside of my legs. Was he really going to kiss me there?
In a swift motion he grabbed my legs and spread them, and before I could think he was kissing my pussy. His tongue flicked my clitoris. Fast, then slow. His tongue went in and out of my pussy. Was this the infamous tongue fucking that Pat went on and on about? Fuck! It felt so good and I wanted to scream his name.
I couldn’t stay still or quiet. Luckily the music from the party was loud enough to drown my screams of pleasure. Oh my fucking god! What is this? This is how I knew I've been way too sheltered.
I moaned and groaned incoherently. This man has some kind of magic in his tongue. And as if that wasn’t enough his free hand was roaming up and down my body and it was hard to keep up with all the feelings, I didn’t know if I should weep from the sheer pleasure or just worship at his feet. He inserted one finger in my very wet pussy and that was my undoing. I lost all reason as my cum rocked my body.
“Fuuuuuck! Fuck! Fuck! Ohhhhh!!!!!!”, I screamed.
“That’s my girl cum for me. Don’t stop cumming baby.” He said as he freed his too large dick From his boxers and pulled on a condom. Lost in the throws of my orgasm I was so distracted that I didn’t realize he was now over me, his dick positioned at my entrance. Slowly he entered the head of his cock into my slippery pussy. There was some discomfort but I was still whirling from my cum as he slipped all the way in pass my hymen.
“I’m sorry baby this is uncomfortable but it’s only this one time. You are so fucking tight. You ago bruise up mi cocky head”, he said raggedly as he tried to control his strokes. I arched my back off the bed and into him seeking solace screaming as I did. He caught my scream with his lips and moved in and out of my pussy slowly. I was bruised but this man was a god. He pushed in and pulled out with slow deliberate strokes, inflicting the most pleasure I’ve ever felt in my life. My body has never been more alive. I know he was trying really hard to control himself. I wrapped my legs around him and used my heels to push him deeper inside me. He groaned deep in his throat and closed his eyes. He lost the control he held so tightly the entire time and I smiled in spite of myself. His pace became quicker and his strokes shorter. He lifted my knees and spread my legs wide, my pussy juice started running down my leg. The most erotic thing I have ever seen is a man’s turgid dick going in and out of my wet pussy. In and out he went losing all control, lost in the sweetness of my tight never been touched pussy. He groaned long and deep and gave one long hard stroke signaling his climax.
His breathing was heavy as he laid on top of me. His dick still buried deep inside me.
“Did I hurt you?” He asked as he kissed my nose. “I’m sor...”
“No”, I cut him off. I felt like a new woman and I was still horny as fuck.
“Are you sure? He asked
“Yes...and I want to do it again...”
