I felt like there was more to say. I mean.. moving to a different country is a BIG change, right? I was all packed.. well almost. and in just 1 day I went from being a little worried about details, like how would I get my phone to work, or what about a internet connection.. little details like that.. to all out panic/depression. all those shouldn't have stood in my way.. but they did contribute a lot.
Another big concern was that I didn't have any family in the philippines. I only had a few friends and my x-wife's father. He and 2 of my friends were going to meet me at the airport and bring me to my apt that I rented. That, at least, was a comforting thought. but would I see my friends everyday? how could I communicate with them without internet or phone?
That, and my financial situation, was enough to give me much anxiety. I also was off my meds.. or I should say, I was not taking them as directed by my dr. I feel like the lack of my wellbutrin, an anti-depressant, led me to a depressed state.. my courage was snuffed out.
The more I thought about it, the more reasons I had for staying in USA. I missed my mom way more than I thought I would. Everyday I would pass by her empty room and miss her even more.
My aunt told me she would not abandon me and offered to help me out. So, I am moving to california in June to stay at her house, where my mom is already. I will get to see my mom as much as I want, but also have my own room/floor of my aunt's big 3 story house so.. that is ALL good! 😉😎🤙
my x wife also asked me why do I only post the positive stuff. well, here is for sure some negative that I will share. (and to remind myself if ever I choose to look at it again). I was sleeping much too long (like about 14 hours a day) which also included just lying in bed with my eyes shut, and I would only watch stuff on netflix or eat barely enough to stay alive.
Next time, if there is a next time, I will go stay at a hotel in PH first.. cause they would already have internet, so I could communicate with friends.. and I found an old phone that has a SIM card. (what they use in ph) and I would just need to buy some load to use it. This way the pressure is off.. trying to scramble to get everything and if/when I better my finances.. that will really help too. 😉💵💰