Having anger issues is not a nice thing. I knew of a few mates in secondary school who would throw things around, break drinking cups and plates, and kick things whenever they were angry. Others would vent the anger on junior students or say abusive words that they usually regret later. All these were because of their inability to manage their anger.
I am the kind of person who is still training herself on how to express her emotions properly, including anger. If you don't know me, you may think I don't get angry at all, but that is not true.
The truth is that I don't get angry easily. But when I do, you may hardly notice. That is to say, I can get angry without the other person knowing. That is scary, right?
However, if you are someone close to me, my subtle signs of anger wouldn't go unnoticed. You will notice the unusual silence.
The good thing about all this is that the anger doesn't linger for long. It only takes a few minutes, and I'm back to my normal self, especially when there's a genuine apology or reason involved. I found that controlling my anger became much easier when I discovered this.
I've learnt not to say things or make decisions when I'm angry because I often regret them immediately afterward.
What tips would you offer someone struggling with anger issues?
I believe that getting angry isn't bad; it's when we allow anger to dictate our actions, words, and decisions that it becomes problematic.
The first step I feel is very necessary for anger management is to know yourself.
When you understand how you get angry, what you do when you're angry, and how long you can stay angry, you can work on adjusting them, which will help in managing your anger issue.
The second step I would suggest is believing you can control your anger. Just tell yourself you can do it and that you need to calm down (it's better if you can say it out loud to yourself).
The third step is to take a deep breath and step back from the situation. This may be difficult, especially during a heated argument. That's why the first and second steps are important. Stepping back from the situation will give you a clear mind to think more clearly before reacting. Like I said, it's not the anger that is bad; it's what we do when we are angry.
As humans, we were created differently, and we have a lot of differences that require a certain level of understanding to coexist. Learning to understand people may be a good step towards guiding our hearts against unnecessary emotions. Another thing is cultivating love and happiness through simple things. When we have these two elements within us, we won't easily get angry at things or people.
The point is, it's not just about managing anger; it's about fostering a more peaceful existence with ourselves and those around us.