Greetings to you all 👋
No relationship is perfect. Love is not a bed of roses alone rather it is a grassland and if you want your grass to remain green, then you must consistently water it. What I mean is, contrary to what we see in the romance movies we watch, Love is not the only ingredient to a relationship. There are other important things to consider in the relationship before the ship sets sail 😁.
Image is mine
Just as a coin has two sides, so also there are two sides to every relationship. There are ideal factors which is the good side and there are the non-ideal factors also called red flags. The focus of this post is on the things that I would consider as red flags in a relationship whether it is an intimate or platonic relationship.
No matter the type of relationship I'm involved in, the fact remains that the things I count as red flags applies to all relationship types and I won't hesitate to run away like Usain bolt if I observe such in any of my relationships.
Things I consider as red flags.
- Dishonesty: Dishonesty is an umbrella word for a lot of vices like telling lies repeatedly, cheating, deception and manipulation. If I get to discover that a friend or lover is playing me like this, my oh my, I will put an end to that relationship and also run for my life.*
I'm sure no one likes being lied to, deceived, cheated on or even manipulated. I feel sick just by thinking about this red flag because of how dangerous it is in a relationship. It hurts the one being played like a fool and this red flag has even sent some lovers to untimely grave. I believe in love and I know love would not seek to put the other party in harm's way or do wrong to the other party.
- Jealousy: Jealousy is another red flag I won't tolerate nor overlook because it is a strong emotion that can lead to so many destructions. Jealousy in a relationship is like a wild fire, once it starts to burn, it is difficult to put out. I have witnessed blood sisters fighting each other due to jealousy. I have also heard of a husband who killed his wife because she was earning more than him. Some even go diabolical just because they are jealous of the other person's achievements and fulfilment and they want to claim it for themselves. When I discover that my partner of friend is jealous of me and my achievements, I would surely stay far from such person as my life could be in danger.
- Put downs: As much as I joke a lot, I don't allow anyone put me down with their words or attitude even as a joke. Words are powerful and so it should be used right. A guy who goes about talking down on his lover simply because he is rich or influential is killing her psychologically. We all have worth and dignity, no one deserves to be trampled upon like a door mat.
There's this guy in my area who constantly does that to his girlfriend of many years. He would insult her publicly and even beat her blue-black in the middle of the street with his fist or belt. Funny thing is that she has given birth to two boys for him hoping that he would change but he still continues to disgrace and put her down everywhere. Some months back, I found time to talk with her and I let her know that staying in that toxic relationship would danage her children's future. By God's grace, she began to understand that she deserved better and finally she left the guy in May this year with the kids. Currently, she is doing well for herself and working to make ends meet and I'm so happy for her. If anyone tries that with me, I will show them pepper before I leave the relationship.*
- Insecurity: Insecurity in relationships refer to feeling not good enough, not worthy of love or unconfident in your partner and the relationship. Guys, this is a major red flag as it can have damaging effcts on the mind. The girl will start saying things like "promise you won't ever leave me" or "do you still love me" and she tends to be clingy and manipulative. For thr guys, they isolate the girl they love from her family and friends and hang on to her like an anchor. They get upset when they see her talking with other guys and they monitor her every move or calls. Kai! , It is too tiring abeg. I can't be with someone who lacks confidence in himself and can't be secure enough to trust me as a partner. Without trust no relationship can go far.
There's a man currently who is a parent in the school I taught as a teacher previously. The man refused to allow his wife look for a job in a hospital because he feels that nurses are prostitutes. His wife was a practicing nurse till he married her and after marriage, he stopped her from working out her profession. He kept this woman at home as a full time house wife with two kids for ten years till her relatives came and helped her open a drug store so that she can make her own money. The man in question is not innocent o. As I type this, he has three children with another woman and he hid this fact from his wife for years. It was just recently that the truth cane to light. Hmm, I will run from an insecure relationship anytime I sniff it.
My life is precious and valuable and I deserve as much happiness as I give in a relationship.
Thank you all for reading.. shalom.
other images gotten from Meta Ai