Adult: Say you're sorry.
Child: I'm sorry.
Adult: You're not really sorry, I can't see that. You are, you are not really sorry.
Child: (crying) I'm sorry.
Adult: Okay, I forgive you.
"Can you imagine a game like that?"
I have extracted this dialogue from a video in which Marshall Rosenberg tells us about a method that he called Nonviolent Communication. This may sound a little strange at first, for me it was, because in general one communicates in a way that seems to be non-violent at all, at least not for most people, but, at the bottom of our words, implicitly and even explicitly, there is a load of questioning, criticism, which can affect the person to whom it is addressed in one way or another, and this is also a form of violence, which is regulated in our society, and which we learn from childhood, being victims of this, of course.
But before we continue, I will clarify the following: Who was Marshall Rosenberg?
This transcendental character in the world of communication died in New Mexico on February 7, 2015, but he left a great legacy behind. He was a psychologist, teacher, writer of some books that are still in force in the world, and that of course continue to give a great contribution to humanity, at least for those who dare to evaluate themselves and decide to change for the better.
This video of more than 3 hours of duration allows us to see the essence of what he as a theory or method raises, starting with the academic formation, in which from children we are submitted to what he calls Jackal's Culture, yes, as you read it. In the dialogue that opens this publication you can easily see it.
In general terms we manage in a culture in which to communicate we always use judgments (good or bad, right or wrong, normal or abnormal, appropriate or inappropriate, etc). And from these judgments we express any idea, to achieve something we want. Of course, we have to emphasize that by making some kind of judgment we will find that in a certain way we are vulnerating the feelings of the other, and this is not right, even if it is the way many people move.
Seeing this situation of violence in communication is not always at first sight, not for the majority, partly because, as I said, it is regulated in society. Treating us based on certain patterns that indicate that there is someone who is above and someone who is below, and that this inequality gives them a certain power that - unfortunately- is used to manipulate or offend the other, not always to help.
Violent communication can be seen daily, even on this platform there are people who are dedicated to trying to humiliate and offend other users through words, I am a witness to this. In the end this speaks very badly of such people, perhaps they are in that way draining frustrations or hiding fears, but, regardless of the reason there is no justification, although always try to give reason to those hostile attitudes, rude, violent and arbitrary.
Why do I dare to give some psychological assessments on this subject? since my academic background allows me to do so, and that is why I do it. But I understand, these are processes that are difficult to get rid of, but not impossible.
That's why I know that these processes come from childhood, they depend on the type of upbringing you've had, and that's the reason why working from childhood that type of upbringing is elementary.
But, to all these I haven't delved into the theory and how we can handle and apply this model of non-violent communication, the most important aspects I will explain later, in another post about it, I haven't finished watching the video yet, because of time constraints, but I will soon conclude and share much more.
Here I leave the video for you to view, in case you are interested in knowing more about this topic, which will surely help you realize things in yourself in addition to providing some tools to improve, and help.
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