Different

Someone called me gorgeous today and it felt good to hear it although part of me rejected the compliment; it just didn't feel right. It's not that I think the person didn't feel it, she said the words so I guess she did; it's more that I don't see myself that way in the least little bit and have never done so. It's just odd to me that people might think it.

I was young when I was first made to feel different around five when I first went to school. I'd gone from a home environment where I was considered normal into a school environment where the other kids felt I was different: Funny name, odd skin colour, dark hair...You know, not what they were. Add in my shy demeanor and it made me a target of some rather unpleasant racially-motivated vilification and physical abuse.

I totally hated it and felt alone, afraid and unable to protect myself from it. I endured though, as is my character, and speaking of which it build character and helped shape the adolescent and man I was to become later in life. I haven't forgotten it though, or the way it made me feel; Outcast, unwelcome, unwanted and unattractive.

I don't feel that way these days and in my life I've not allowed those children's behaviour to inhibit me in any way. It's helped me overcome many challenges, the attitudes I'd created to deal with the abuse early in life, I mean. It's those attitudes that have stuck with me and become somewhat of a suit of armour protecting me whilst I fought life's battles, faced the adversity, tribulations and trouble that life launched at me.

But that last one, unattractive, never left me.

I guess I just accepted myself for what I am and moved on and that unattractive thing sat in the background ready for when I needed to pull it out. Every now and then someone would come along and compliment me and I never really understood why. Are they seeing the whole picture, looking inside at who I truly am? Are they reacting to what lies on the surface? How could they even see beyond the masks I'd wear for protection? I don't know and probably never will; I know that it feels odd to hear people say it though. It feels awkward.

I'm not sure if that's a remnant left from my younger days or modesty, it's just how it is though. I also don't like a fuss being made over me and am more likely to stay in the background than push to the front; it's just my way - fly under the radar. I guess though, despite all of that, I've learned to accept what I am and who I am; is there really another viable option? Not if one wants to live a decent and enjoyable life, and we all deserve that.

I know I'm different and didn't need those kids to tease and hurt me to know it; The thing is that we're all different, every single one of us. Here's the kicker though, that's how it's supposed to be. A world full of similar people would be a rather dull world right? Best that we're different, that we have different looks, colours, shapes, thoughts likes and dislikes; best that we embrace our differences and others peoples too.

I accepted my difference long ago and, in truth, embraced it. Sure, I know not everyone likes or chooses to engage with me in life or even here on hive but that doesn't negate my validity as a human being nor should it cause my difference to be shunned, vilified or hated; we can all co-exist despite our differences right? Well, we should be able to.

Today I thanked that girl who called me gorgeous despite wondering if she was plain crazy. [She's not by the way, not even a little bit.] It felt good though, despite the awkwardness, to have my difference noticed and complimented, and I went out of my way to pay it forward to someone else.

I don't know, maybe if we all accepted and celebrated our own differences then others would do the same and maybe if we opened up and told people about it the world would be a happier place to live. Is it possible? I think not, but it would be cool right?

Maybe you'll go out of your way to tell someone you value their difference today, maybe you'll be on the receiving end of that compliment. I hope so.