Picture was created by me using Dall. E 3
INTRODUCTION
Motherhood
Being a woman has to be one of the most difficult jobs out there especially in this part of the world because we do not get appreciated enough for our time and effort. Often times some men would want to indoctrinate the western lifestyle of both partners actively contributing to the financial running of the home but when it comes to the domestic aspect they will stylishly shift all the responsibilities to the woman.
The thing is, some women do not even see this as a problem as they compulsively take up the roles of parenting and also splitting of bills. You'd see that most times it's difficult for women to actually and successfully get up the social ladder like their male counterpart because of all the baggages that they carry.
For this prompt I did a questionnaire taking a random sample of five career women active in their respective field and still playing the major role of a parent. Their answers were correlated as they felt they would have excelled more and higher in their respective career without the responsibilities of being a mother. The funny thing is while being a career woman is easier to navigate and they would mostly prefer that than being a mother, when asked to choose, they all said they would choose being a mother and almost have no regrets as they will comfortably find that perfect blend between career and motherhood. In their words, family motivates them and motherhood is the major drive why they want to succeed as they all want that comfortable life for their children.
In all honesty, its not easy to be a mom because your life just stop you know. It's like taking a huge chunk of your life and investing it in your child or children. Me for example, I thought after having my child I will nurse her for a couple of years and then go all out in pursing my career and then come back to procreating after I must have achieved some certain feet up the social ladder. But boy was I wrong, as I find myself actively doing both because I do not want to loose out on both fronts. I don't want to be a bad parent and I also do not want to get left behind in the career world. Coupled with the rising cost of living, the financial responsibilities becomes too much for one partner to shoulder. You just find yourself stepping in to fill that void.
Societal Validation
There is this validation that society wants to always put out there for women. I will use myself as a case study.
Picture was created by me using Dall. E 3
In the career world you find yourself being boxed up, like you are not supposed to act in a certain way because you are a woman and these things still play out. I had resigned from my job because my supervisor kept sabotaging all my efforts. He kept giving negative reviews about me to our Director. He would bring a task that is impossible to do and when I try to suggest a more feasible approach, he will report me for insubordination and I will get punished. Later on he will go 360 and adopt the approach I had earlier suggested and take all the credit. When i discovered he did not like me because he thought I was too vocal for a woman I just told myself this is my que to leave and I was able to do that because I am resourceful. Life becomes easier when you have put in the work towards self development, improvement and financial independence. You will find yourself comfortably making decisions and executing it as should without fear of your meal ticket being cut off. A couple of times women find themselves trapped not because they do not know what to do, they just do not have enough resources to come out of the situation.
Sometime back we were having issues with the electrical distribution company as the compound where I live was lagging beyond payment of their electricity bills. The compound got disconnected by the distribution company and thus they resulted to illegal connection of electricity which I wasn't comfortable with because I didn't get to enjoy the electricity to the fullest and also bearing in mind that it is stealing.
Eventually the electrical distribution company discovered the cheat and threatened law suit. After waiting severally for the care taker to resolve the matter amicably but no move was made I took it upon myself to see how I can fix things. I visited the distribution company and we arrived at a bill to salvage the situation. I went back to my neighbors and related the progress with them but they weren't happy and kept giving excuses not to pay the money so I went ahead and paid mine and my electricity was restored.
Picture was created by me using Dall. E 3
My neighbor's wife was not happy and she picked fight with me telling me that I do not know my place as a woman. To her the movement for electricity to be restored is not my responsibility but the responsibility of the men in the compound. She said she has been pleading with her husband to take up the lead to resolve the light issue and he was already planning on till I went and did over sabi (Acted like I know too much). That moment it made sense why they didn't want to corporate for the matter to be resolved because they felt i had over stepped my boundaries. She said something that struck me, according to her our compound would have had more respect in the eyes of the electrical distribution company if it was the men that went for the negotiation to get the electricity issue resolved so in their mind I have disrespected the men with my actions.
Moving into another compound, I met the same electricity issue that it seem they were comfortable with. I wasn't going to put up with that so I approached the Landlord if I could make move in resolving the issue but he disapproved and said he would first need to speak with the men in the compound to know the situation of things and what's obtainable. I kept reaching out to him for feedback and he did took up the challenge with other men and our electricity was fixed to some extent.
In another situation, there was to be a neighborhood meeting to discuss general light problem, my landlord was not around and other men were busy with weekend engagements. It was now left to my Landlord's wife to go for the meeting as instructed by her husband but then he didn't want her to be going alone so he asked her to meet up with my other female neighbor to accompany her. The neighbor refused as she said it's not in her place to go and be discussing electricity issues with men. The landlord's wife also do not want to go alone so she called her husband to chicken out but then he asked her to confirm if I'm home, she came knocking but I was in the room and couldn't hear her. My phone rang and it was my landlord pleading with me to accompany his wife to the neighborhood meeting. I got dressed and we went, I noticed some sort of intimidation in her as she felt her being there was out of place but then I kept encouraging her to be firm as she is a representative of her husband and has as much right to be in that meeting as any other man.
In my part of the world, there is always some sort of validation you need as a woman before you could do certain things or act in a certain way. Going against the norm and standard is not for the faint hearted as most times you get isolated.
SOLUTIONS
Motherhood
In my own environment, I have been actively involved in advocating against the unfair role play that goes on in several homes. I mean if a woman should take part of the financial responsibilities in the home, the man should also have an equal share of the domestic aspect which includes parenting as well. Otherwise we should all go the old African way of women being domesticated while men take up the financial responsibilities. I mean its only fair. But for women who feel they can juggle between both worlds of finance and parenting with little or no help from their partner, it's fine for them to exercise their will. More so, in my opinion I feel that for a woman to really be successful, the other partner has to step in too for parenting otherwise they'll just find themselves living in some sort of enslavement.
Societal validation
I have been able to come this far and live life on my own terms because I am resourceful and enlightened. Life becomes easier when you have put in the work towards self development, improvement and financial independence. You will find yourself comfortably making decisions and executing it as should without fear of your meal ticket being cut off. A couple of times women find themselves trapped not because they do not know what to do, they just do not have enough resources, awareness and mental capabilities to come out of the situation. Every young woman out there should take self improvement as a challenge that is your ticket to rising above the norms and societal standard that has been formed against you.
CONCLUSIONS
Picture was created by me using Dall. E 3
Motherhood
Looking at my experience and that of other women, every woman needs to be prepared and fully ready for motherhood because it is mentally draining. I know I would have been really frustrated and maybe lost it if I just rushed into mother without giving it a critical thought and preparing for it mentally and also in terms of education, self improvement and finance. I didn't tow the family line out of compulsion or peer pressure, it was a choice which is inline with my long term goals.
Societal Validation
There is always some sort of validation you need as a woman before you could do certain things and act in a certain way and if you do not groom yourself well, you'd find yourself living for other people at your own detriment.
Like a phoenix rising from its ashes, these challenges shouldn't act as a discouraging element rather we should use these challenges as a motivation to grow, succeed and excel because greater heights ahead.
QUESTIONAIRES
QUESTIONAIRES WERE CREATED BY ME USING GOOGLE FORMS. I DECIDED TO USE QUESTIONAIRES FOR INDIVIDUAL'S PRIVACY
EXCERPT FROM BEHIND THE SCENE
You know what i have been working on for the past three weeks somehow got mistakenly deleted by me last night when I wanted to upload it. I was going to cry because all my efforts wasted but you see challenges is not for the faintest of hearts. I got back to my notebook trying to remember what was previously written. I recollected some but couldn't retrieve all from my memory that I had to improvise and I honestly think this piece I came up with is more of a banger.
These past three weeks had been fun with @alessandrawhite of CWH @dreemsteem from DREEMPORT and @shadows_hub from PYPT via discord. Thank you all for having me, looking forward to other challenges 😊.
I am glad that despite how choking this third week got, I was able to participate in this prompt merger of CWH and DREEMPORT to create a Pin worthy post.