Hey everyone! I wanted to share a bit about my story, my struggles and my healing. Hoping that if anyone is going through something similar this may help them in some way.
Last year I was down, drinking every chance I could, smoking non stop, my relationship ended, nothing seemed like was going to get better. The truth is that it didn't get better until I was ready to make a change in my life. I decided to try complete sobriety, I was seeking clarity and trying to prioritize what's important, our self love. I started seeing a therapist and I found a someone who I could really communicate with openly and it helped me understand where my behaviours were coming from. I never dealt with past traumas of my life, emotional abuse and neglect shaped a lot of my childhood. The way I dealt with these was by creating a quiet persona, a self defense mechanism to get by unnoticed, I would shut myself off and disappear, hoping not to become a problem for anyone. This survival mechanism became a traumatic trait within myself and would take over the wheel of my life at certain occasions. It wasn't until I talked with my therapist that I start to see this traits, their origins and how the were affecting my current behaviours. I would try to numb these down with alchohol or weed but that wasn't a solution for dealing with past. I needed clarity to face it all with a sober mind and pure intention of healing. In reality this is always an on going work, we should always be working on our self awareness and understanding the complexities of our lives. I am an artist and even my artwork has been affected from the time I started facing these traumas. It's not better or worse but it's changing with the changes I've been going through.
Thank you for reading! I hope this reached some people who may be struggling with depression or trauma. Just know that you are not alone and having someone to speak with openly and honestly can positively change your life. Working on your healing is hard and takes a lot of time, effort and awareness.
Sharing some of my Artwork:
Here's me at my studio :)
If you'd like to see my artist portfolio please check my website:
www.philippenick.ca