Staying true to yourself seems impossible in this generation. Staying true to what you believe and all you've learned while growing up is difficult nowadays because every growing child wants to explore and live their lives based on their principles, not minding what people think about them. They want to be left to make their own choices, to the detriment of their lives. I faced some challenges while growing up because I wanted to have a sense of belonging among my peers, knowing fully well that my parents would kick against it and it might hurt my life.
In the year 2012, during my first year in senior secondary school, I always wanted to walk with the big girls in class. I love the way they dress and roll together, dressing in the sense that they have a particular way they sew their skirts; the pleating of their skirts is so perfect, plus they are always neat, with their hair well plaited, and also smell nice with different body deodorants. Most importantly, they spend lavishly. And as a growing teenager, fifteen years of age, I wanted to spend too, knowing fully well that most of the money spent by them isn't given by their parents. After keeping a close watch on them, I noticed they came to school with different clothes aside from their uniforms, which they changed into after school hours.
Turning a blind eye to whatever seems bad they are involved in, all that matters is joining them with a sense of belonging that I'm part of the big girls in my class and my department. Without thinking twice about the consequences I will face if my parents know what I'm about to get myself involved in, knowing the kind of family I come from, My parents are strict and disciplinarian; they don't encourage any act of indiscipline, and this I have known since I was a child. There is always a time for me to return from school, and if I should be a minute late from the stipulated time, I would have to defend myself with tenable proof.
I finally summoned the courage to walk up to the girls and inform them of my intention. Some of them looked at me disgustingly, while others embraced me. It was an experience I will live to remember; it always put a light on my path in life. I was given a book of rules, and with doubt in my heart, I said to myself, "Do I want to go through with this?" It seemed more or less like a cult to me. "What do rules have to do with this"? I murmured to myself. I read through the rules, and it was more than I could chew, but because I wanted to be identified as one of them, I agreed to the rules, which I know deep down that I can't keep to. I will call it initiation because I was made to undertake some vows to always abide by the rules and protect the interests of the group, which I did.
I struggled within my heart because this was against all I'd been taught since childhood. "How will I survive this?" is the question I ask myself every day. I started walking with them, putting unnecessary pressure on my parents back home. I ruined my skirt so that I could sew another one just as the other girls did, and luckily for me, I got away with it. I started demanding money that seemed absurd to me, not to mention my parents, and then my psychological mother started noticing some changes in me. Unknown that I've changed so much, I talk back at my mom anytime she does something that I think is not right. I overruled the normal time given to me to get back from school, and before getting home, I would have prepared a lie that seemed true to give them as proof.
"Is there something you are hiding from me?" My mom called me one night and asked, and I replied by nodding my head in negativity. She looked into my eyes, but I couldn't bring myself to look into her eyes because I knew what I was doing was wrong. Then she began by saying, "I've noticed some changes in you these days; have you started walking with bad company?" I raised my head a little to see the expression on her face. But despite knowing that she would be hurt by what I was doing, I couldn't bring myself to tell her the truth.
She talked with me for over an hour, and deep down in my heart, I wanted to quit the big girl lifestyle because I knew it was not going to end well. After she had gone out of my room, I ruminated on everything she had told me, and I decided not to give in to the peer pressure I might face now or in the future. "I'm out of this clique," I said to myself convincingly. Having a sense of belonging among my peers is all I think of when I want to join the big girl's clique, not minding what the outcome will be.
I don't have a mobile phone, as they all do, so I couldn't get through to them on the phone that night. I had to be patient until the morning to tell them of my intention to quit the group. As early as I could, I rushed up to school, and on getting there, I felt a cold chill in my spine. "What will happen to me now?" was the question I could ask myself. "No matter how it turned out, I'm done with them," I murmured to myself as I walked towards the class. As I entered the class, I saw them sitting in our favorite corner. I walked up gently to them and made my point about quitting known. They all looked at me terribly, but I didn't mind. One of the girls stood up and lashed me with some terrible words, yet I didn't give in to their insults; I left their midst to sit in a different corner until break time, when I could rush out to get fresh air.
After some weeks, I got over all their taunts and came back to my former lifestyle. Things became easier, and I wasn't overburdened with unnecessary thoughts or pressurizing my parents either. I maintained the path I'd been taught and never allowed peer pressure to get to me. I would have chosen the alternative path shown to me by my peers, but I decided to choose differently and maintain the path that I've known for a while. It is the best because it made life easier for me. "I'm better off this way," I consoled myself, reflecting on how I would have missed it in life.
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