In the arms of a lover, I find safety…
“What are you thinking about?”
I couldn’t say for certain where my brain was or where it intended on going next. I was stuck in the traffic of thoughts but still tried to enjoy the moment under the night sky with the love of my life wrapped in my arms. The last time we were this close was about two years ago when we said our vows under the same night skies and greenfield.
I met Ngozi at a meetup with a few acquaintances. It was an unlikely meetup considering I spent most of my time in the four walls of my room playing video games and drifting through time. I had severe ties with the real world and never looked back ever since. It wasn’t the best life but I could make do of it.
I had sold my company, Eble, for a fortune-$100m to be precise–that could last me a lifetime. With no real friends or family–all of which I had abandoned in my pursuit for fame and fortune–the only thing I had was my money. I did not regret all the decisions I made leading to that point until I meant Ngozi.
Ngozi was a breath of fresh air. There was something unusual about this young woman that stirred my curiosity and I couldn't place it. One thing I knew for sure was that she was different, she stood out from the rest. Her mannerisms, the stretch of the imagination and the beauty of her smile. She was different
I found solace in the arms bursting with melanin, with skin as soft as freshly baked agege bread from the local bakery. Her kinky hair–rich and luscious–smelt like every tropical fruit you can imagine. In the warmth of the morning sun, her skin glistened like bronze and when she smiled nothing else mattered–just her and that very moment.
We got married a year after–the best decision I had made in my entire life. I started to live again. We got an apartment in Lekki close to the famous lagoon. I had started another company and things were going great. So I thought.
A year into our marriage we could not recognize ourselves anymore. I can’t say what went wrong because I don't know myself. My loving wife became a thorn in my flesh and I reverted to my old self–lost and alone in the comfort of my bedroom which I now share with Ngozi. Everything went downhill from that point–our marriage and finance.
“What’s wrong,” Ngozi inquired of me, seeing I was lost in my thoughts.
Three months ago I was diagnosed with lung cancer. The doctor said I had a few months to live. I never told Ngozi about the report. We had been going through a rough time and I did not want his news to reunite us. I did not want to be pitied, rather I decided to fight for the only thing I cared for in my life-her.
“Nothing,” I replied, still trying to shake the thought of dying off my mind. “Nothing my love. I was simply enjoying the moment?” I hugged her as tight as I could while reaffirming my love for her. We found our way back to each other and that was all that mattered at that point.
“Are you sure?” she asked, sensing the trouble in my voice. She reached for my arm, stroking it gently. I could see those deep brown eyes searching for the truth in mine. But I couldn't hurt her–not yet at least.
“Yes, my love…I am fine. It’s nothing.”
“Are you sure?”
“As sure as my love for you,” I said as I rubbed her cheek, relieving her of her worries.
She smiled. “You are being corny right now boy. That’s not cute.” I could hear the little girl in her voice once more. Reminded me of the love I fell in love with.
We wrapped ourselves in our arms, tight. There was a brief moment of silence. Everything looked beautiful, the sky, the moon, her. It all felt perfect and fleeting at the same time.
“Forgive me,” those words slipped out of my mouth before I could stop myself.
“What?” she asked.
“Forgive me. For everything, my love.”
“But you haven’t done anything wrong”
“Well… I haven’t loved you as much as I should.”
“Then you have a second chance to right your wrongs,” she smiled.
We spent the evening under the night skies, staring at the moon as we held each other tight. It was the last time we spent time together.
The next day we were on a trip to Abuja from Lagos when we had a fatal accident. Ngozi did not make it. My life has stopped since then. It has been 3 years and counting, but I am still here. The cancer hasn’t had its way with me. If only I wasn’t lost in thought that day, maybe she would still be alive. I have no one else to blame. No one else but myself.