"Thank you, Rick."
My heart was jumping with joy seeing Rica was so happy to receive the flower I gave her, added with her sweet smile telling me she appreciated the simple thing I did for her.
"No, thank you Ric for providing happiness in my heart seeing you happy just because of it." - I replied to her as I'm staring at her closely.
"Don't look at me like that Rick, you embarrassed me."
She said as her eyes looked away from me.
"Oh, sorry, I'm just so delighted."
How could I not be happy when Rica was my childhood crush, ever since I laid my eyes on her I started to feel the love already. At first, I was just glimpsing from a distance but I couldn't believe even holding her hands could be possible now. Not only that, I could spend time with her longer than before, where I could show her and tell her how much I love her.
Even though it seems the people are against our relationship I still didn't mind them, it's Rica that is my concern and not other people. Of course, I'm not stupid or dumb when people talked at my back or muttered. I heard them, I felt them but the feelings I have for Rica are stronger and that will take over everything that saddens me.
"Are you sure you love Rick, Rica?"
I heard one of their neighbors asked Rica with so much discontent and discouraging words.
I was fetching Rica but I hid. I thought it was better not to interrupt the conversations but I didn't expect it could be that worst. Still, I was relieved seeing Rica just gave a smile and answer and nodded.
"Hi Ric", I said when they're done talking.
"Oh, hi Rick", she replied with such an exaggerated reaction, wanting to show that neighbor she doesn't regret choosing me as her boyfriend.
She held my hand and I thought to play along with her. I kissed her forehead and said, "I missed you."
She looked so happy and it felt so sweet inside, she removed my worries, and instead, she made me realize I'm the luckiest person alive in this world.
"Thank you", I just and she replied, " why?" I shook my head saying it's nothing but actually I couldn't explain the happiness I felt inside.
"Let's go?"- she asked.
I nodded and we started walking to our destination, it's on the shore where we used to stay when we were just kids, just nothing but to kill time being together.
"Come on Rick" - she said when we arrived at the shore, running and playing with the seawater that reaches the shore.
"My God, my heart is bursting"- I whispered, "I'm coming." - I replied to her and immediately ran to catch her because she wanted to play like the old days, like children.
She didn't know that the time I saw her smiling because of being happy, I felt like the wind lifted me to float. It feels really amazing to experience something like this, nothing to explain specifically since knowing Rica is my girlfriend I'm content, and I don't want to ask for more. I'm so happy that I couldn't help but let my tears fall unexpectedly.
"What's wrong?" -she asked with a worried face.
"Hmmmm" - I shook my head sideways, "nothing." I smiled right away to divert her thoughts and stop worrying about what happened to me because there's nothing to worry about, I'm just happy and nothing else.
"Hi, Ric!" - I greeted her when I arrived in front of their house while she's there sitting.
She reacted that it seems she wasn't happy with what I said, not smiling but not frowning. Although some uneasy feeling seeing her reactions made me sad and worried.
"Why?" I said while glimpsing at her blindly not to notice it.
"What do you think you've been doing Rick?" -She asked me and I didn't know what she was telling me about. I smiled, thinking she was just joking because I had no idea.
I don't know but I always think that whenever I am happy a sad thing will take over with that smile for sure. I'm always worried, of course, I know that what I'm fearing will come and it didn't fail me.
"Don't play dumb Rick. I know you knew what I was talking about." - She said it with a strong tone and that time I figured out why she acted like that.
"Ah--" -I know now, I slowly turned my back from her to walk away, holding myself not to get emotional and to stop my tears from falling.
"Where do you think you're going, Rick?"
She stood and held my hand, a mad voice towards me that I'm afraid to hear from her.
I don't want to talk about it because I already embarrassed myself towards her, forgot my pride, and abused her situation, having minor amnesia.
"Explain to me!!" - she shouted while grabbing my hand tightly. That could have hurt me if I'm not a man.
"Sorry Ric---" - I couldn't control myself anymore and I said it with a shaking voice, the tears ruined my voice. This is the reality now, she finally awake from the depth of her sleep.
"Tell me!! I want to understand why you did that!!" - She's really mad that shouted out loud and made her mother come out and intervene in our conversation.
"That's enough Ric, Rick is not to blame here. I'm going to tell you why it happened like that." - Ric's mother convinced her.
"Ricky, you stayed to make it clearer to Rica." - she said and I just nodded while remaining with my eyes looking at the ground following them inside their house.
"It has been a year ago when you were in an accident with your boyfriend, drunk driving in a car. The two of you found it on the shore while the car was upside down, unconscious. Rick found you both and brought you to the hospital, carrying the two of you in his shoulder because no car would pass at that time near the shore. We found him, showered with sweat when we were looking for you because it's dawn already and you weren't home."
*"You didn't know how much effort Rick had done to you. After that accident, you got amnesia but your boyfriend didn't make it. You were always sitting outside, blank-minded for sure, and felt like you were looking for something. Rick comforted you, before and after his work he visited you just to make sure you wouldn't feel sad and lonely. Rick lied to you that he brought you to the seashore for you to remember your childhood but actually he wanted you to remember what happened to you. I could tell he really loved you because I've been watching him staring at you all the time and all of a sudden he smiled. That is the reason for sure why he just chose not to tell you and let you remember it. He didn't want you to feel so much pain and not from him who can hurt you. Also, since you were children he loved--"
I stood up all of a sudden and Ric's mother stopped talking. I don't want to embarrass myself more, the pain is too heavy in my chest and I started sobbing already, I couldn't breathe well.
"I have to go, Maam, and sorry again Ric." - I said without looking at Ric, I hesitated, of course, I'm thinking that at least I could see her for the last time. I slowly walked but Ric just cried learning her boyfriend died already. I understood her even though my heart couldn't and my tears wouldn't accept it but no purpose in forcing someone's love to fire up, it will just keep on providing pain.
I just thought, what's the reason for fighting in the first place? There's no battle, to begin with. I can't surrender because no fight was happening.
"I will now go, Ma'am," -I said with tears endlessly falling in my eyes so fast like water from the flood while hoping to see Ric that she looks at me as well but I just hurt myself even more. Ric ran away to her room while shouting the name of her boyfriend.
"Tell me, Lord. Why is it impossible for those who truly love someone to have someone who will love us in return? Please tell me now because I'm so tired of this unfair treatment."
"6 months have passed already but I still can't forget Rica. Perhaps I will die being single and die loving her."
I said to myself, looking up at the sky and letting the tears wash over my face.
"No, it's not that Rick. Just give someone time for someone to feel how to respond with that love."
I slowly looked at my back because I was so sure that the voice came from Rica.
"Rica----?" - I returned my head and stood up to walk away.
"Please don't walk away with me. Please stay because you spoiled me, how being loved so much felt." - she said and smiled.
END….
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