At every point in my life, I have always paused and sat down to think deeply about how others view me, their perception of me, what they think of me, and the kind of people I attract. But I have not given it much thought to think about how I view myself.
Growing up amid intelligent minds messed up my confidence and self-esteem. I was an average student in my classroom, and I was not good in arithmetic and quantitative reasoning, so I do score zero in my class, and because my class teacher was a relative, she will double my punishment.
"Well, because you are not so bright, you are a dullard" Temi would say to me each time we get into an arguments.
I still get salty about those stinging words of hers everytime i reflect on how she made me feel
It is one of the hardest periods of my life, I hated school, and I hated the dawn of every new day because I have to wake up, take breakfast and prepare for school. I remember one particular morning, I was about to enter my school gate, and the sight of my teachers made me go back home, and my mum was surprised to see me at home.
I began to see myself through the lens of my inadequacy in arithmetic and began to mess up my self-esteem in the classroom because I was always too shy to answer questions in the classroom if I do not depend on my seatmate to whisper the answer.
During my junior secondary school, my perception of myself skyrocket because I was good in French, my French teacher love me so much because I was the best in the classroom, I am always very much confident during French lessons because she does call me to read a comprehension and her appraisals boosted my self-esteem.
After secondary school, I begin to see myself through the lens of confidence, boldness, audacity, and great self-esteem in the university. I was one of the best students in the department, and I am doing very well in every aspect of my life, I was doing business and my life was going smoothly and my motto was, "Uniquely made with potential".
Presently that I am done with my Bachelor's degree and the call to be responsible has set in, I'm seeing myself in another light different from the ups and downs of academics.
Over the years, I realize I should not view myself based on the circumstances at the moment, I should not base the view of who I am base on a fleeting moment of happiness, sadness, success, or failure. Because life is a journey with different moments. So, if I have to picture my worth base on each moment, then, I will be a chameleon that is constantly changing colors.
The reflection of myself is what matters, how I feel about myself regardless of what people think of me, my opinion, value, and belief system matters a lot, even if it is controversial, it is who I am. The image of my existence in a vast world is second to none! I am not second-guessing my potential! My reflection on who I am is a priority and I am seeing myself through the lens of positivity, boldness, resilience, and a tenacious young evolving woman.