Photo by Travis Rupert:
"It's okay Mary!" I whispered, "You've got this'". I blinked hard to hold back tears, hot tears that seemed to keep coming back no matter how hard I tried.
I was on my way to the beach. Deep down, I didn't want to be there. Not in that hour, not in that manner and definitely not alone.
But there I was, clinging tight to the steering wheel of my car. My grip was so tight that it felt like a little tug from me could pull it off the car. Each pressure I added to the gas pedal took me closer and closer to the beach. A place I once loved to spend with my loved one was now my nightmare, now a clear reminder of Tim.
Tim was my son. The only thing I had left in this world or should I say 'I once had '.
He was so full of life and hope till his diagnosis.
And the beach. The beach was his favourite place. A place he would love to come each time and spend time with me.
On days he had strength he would play with the sand while I watched him. And on days it was the opposite, he would lay back in my arms as we sat on the sand and I sang him to sleep.
He loved the salty air and the sound of the waves clashing against each other. I believe it made him connect to something much bigger than himself. I had thought we still had years together but then again fate had other plans.
I took a deep breath, shut my eyes for a moment and muttered again
"You've got this Mary. You're stronger than you think". I said, letting it soak in like I was reaching out to it for life. I let out a short smile before letting my mind drift out the window to take in the beautiful scenery of the winding road that led to the beach.
The weather was hot and so the tarred road looked hotter, like it would peel the skin off the foot of anyone who tried to walk on it bare footed. I looked at the side, lined up in symmetrical order were tall palm trees and in-between each group of trees were beach houses made with palm fronds and bamboo sticks. A clear depiction of coastal life.
Then It came again, memories. Memories of the beautiful days with Tim. Of the days he had made me proud. I remembered the first time he had led his school soccer team to win a game. He was the captain of his team and as a proud mother I had cheered from the stands. After the game he ran towards me with joy screaming .
"Mummy did you see that? Did you see me?."
"Yes baby! Yes I did!. I saw all of that, you were great out there. You were like Messi and Ronaldo combined". I replied with joy lifting him off the ground and spinning him around. My voice filled with love and admiration of my little one.
He laughed. "Do you think I'm better than them combined?" He had asked.
"I think you can be the best if you put your heart to it baby" I replied putting him back on the floor.
I thought about how proud I had been of him then, and how much I missed him now. Then I felt the tears welling up, but I was brought back to reality with a tap on my window.
"Ma'am you can't park here". A man with the inscription 'Beach Security' crested on his breast pocket said to me.
I quickly apologised and drove to the right spot. I didn't even realise I had gotten to the beach.
I took a deep breath and got out of the car and walked to the shore. The strong wind brushed past my face, the hot sand against my feet, the golden hue of the evening sun blinding my view, and a small jar nestled tightly in my arms like it was a baby.
It felt like the beach was deserted apart from a young boy running along the sand, laughing heartily. He was of Tim's age and for a moment, my heart stopped. I blinked, shrugged my shoulders and continued my walk to the shore.
I got to the shore and with tears rolling down my cheek I made a silent prayer. Then, with much willpower, I tipped the contents of the jars into the waves. They were the ashes of my loved one,Tim.
And just like magic, I felt peace wash over me. Then gently, a smile curved through my face. My sadness was gradually being replaced with joy and accomplishment.
At that point, I realised that truly this was where Tim wanted to be. And I was glad to have fulfilled his last wish. I looked up at the skies and it felt like Tim was smiling down on me. I was sure he wouldn't want me to be brooding over him again since it's been years now.
I gently walked back to my car and that was the last time I ever set foot on that beach again.
This is a prompt on The Ink Well.