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I saw her, neat and good-looking and knew I wanted to be her friend so I could mess things up.
I always do. Not intentionally but somehow my friendships don't last long. Just like my father couldn't stand the sight of me as a baby and left. Mother had a hard time being there for me, so l learned to take care of myself from age five.
I was fifteen and she looked about fifteen too or younger? "Hey!" I called out as I jogged towards her, hanging my worn-out backpack over my shoulder.
She turned to look at me. Her eyes were almond-shaped, dark and captivating behind her eyeglasses. Her brown skin was smooth, giving off an enviable natural glow in contrast to my blemished brown face, thanks to my unforgiving acne. Her kinky ebony curls accentuated her graceful features and I immediately fell in love with her.
"Hello," she replied, her voice firm and smooth. I smiled, displaying my slightly yellow teeth.
"You're new to the neighbourhood. We go to the same school," I explained.
"Oh, cool. I'm Celinda Adepoju."
"Celinda's a nice name. I'm Adwoa Abebe."
That was how Celinda and I became best friends. She was super intelligent and got straight As at the end of every school term while I struggled to make Ds. She made me want to be better, especially in my studies.
Her family was strict and the churchy type. The day she invited me to her house for lunch, I pulled out my best clothes. Though worn out, I mended the torn parts and made sure it was clean. I was on my best behaviour.
But I saw myself through her mother's eyes: dirty, unkempt and unfit to be Celinda's friend.
Celinda didn't show up the next day at our hangout spot, the pizza place at the beach, like we'd agreed. I sent her a text from my fairly used phone and got no response. Perhaps I was unfit to be her friend.
I showed up late and tired at school the following morning. Our teacher shook her head at me like I was a lost cause. I smirked in response before taking my seat. I avoided eye contact with Celinda.
When the teacher faced the board, Celinda turned to me with an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry I couldn't come yesterday. I had terrible stomach ache—"
"Yea, whatever. I don't care," I whispered harshly, picked up my backpack and left the class but not before seeing the horrifying look on her face.
The pizza place had not opened yet but I sat on the chair and pulled out a rolled weed and lit it. A soft gasp behind me alerted me to Celinda's presence. She had never seen me smoking before.
"Adwoa! You know that's not good for you," she said, sitting in front of me.
I waved my hand at her. "You are blocking my view of nature. Move your churchy self out of the way."
She chuckled, left the seat and sat beside me. We both gazed at the beautiful beach in silence as the gentle waves swept more foam to the shore.
"I'm sorry about yesterday. Truly, I had a stomach upset and took some painkillers," she said.
"Tell me your three favourite odd words," I replied instead. She loved to pick my brain with word games sometimes so I was returning the favour.
She chuckled again. "Odd? Uh, I don't know. Love, travel, friends."
I gazed at her for a moment. "Those are not odd." Celinda always said the right things. There was nothing 'odd' about her.
"You?" She asked.
"Wish, button, sky."
"That's definitely odd. What do they mean?"
"A wish to have you always as my best friend, a button for my favourite jeans jacket and I want the sky to always be beautiful like today."
The sky was cloudless and blue. Celinda and I held hands, admiring the beauty around us. That was the first time she skipped class and it was my fault.
Her parents found out and grounded her for two weeks. I was punctual in school for those two weeks and after, the darkness took me. I hid it from Celinda until she visited me at home.
I was on the floor, passed out from a new brand of coke. It was stronger than other flavours I was used to. Celinda took me to the local hospital. The doctor gave me some charity-funded rehab flyers to read. I flung them away and quarrelled with Celinda for taking me there.
We made up a few days later. And so our undulating relationship continued until it was time for college.
Celinda was accepted into Princeton University in New Jersey, US. It would be her first time overseas.
The evening before she was to leave, we met at the pizza place and I wore my favourite jeans jacket. The sky was mildly blue and beautiful without a spot of cloud. Celinda pulled out a needle and thread, and a shiny button. She sewed it on my jacket. My three favourite odd words became a reality.
Amidst tears, we promised to keep in touch. "Promise me you will take care of yourself and do better," Celinda insisted, giving me a stern look. I couldn't give her an answer. She shook my shoulders roughly. "Promise me!"
"Okay, okay!" I raised my hands in surrender. "I promise." That was the first time I knowingly lied to my best friend.
After Celinda left, I fell apart and my darkness swallowed me whole. It was her light and love that kept me going all those years.
The light was gone. Mine was a flickering sombre glow and my vices snuffed it out. Coke wasn't enough anymore. I tried a new brand of crystal and found myself in the hospital, my lungs shredded.
I didn't have long to live. The breathing machines beeped rhythmically. And all I could mutter was, "I'm sorry, Celinda."