I stared at the open textbook in front of me, refusing to look up at what I knew would be the mocking glares of my classmates. And so, my head remained down refusing to blink in order not to let those threatening tears fall. God, I must must look so pathetic, I cried inwardly.
“Yes, Miss Elliot. We’re still waiting for you.” Miss James, the math teacher said. I refused to look up at her. Any other time, her encouraging smile would have motivated me but not now. Now, if dared to stare into those kind eyes, I’d burst into tears right there. So, I mustered up the courage and said. “I don’t know.”
“Speak up, you fat cow!” The class erupted into guffaws and I knew, even without looking that Keith would have a smug look on his face. Happy that he could make the class laugh at my expense. Happy at his stupidity.
But wait, I was the stupid one.
“That’s enough O’Brien.” Miss James snapped.
“But, ma’am she’s keeping the whole-”
“Not. Another. Word.” She seethed. I smiled inwardly to myself. Miss James was my hero. She’s the only one who could put nasty boys like Keith O’Brien in his place. I was drawn to my still humiliating position when Miss James called my name.
“You may sit Miss Elliot, but please don’t fail to learn these formulas. I would ask you in the next class. Is that okay?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I replied meekly and sat down. Soon enough, the bell rang and I made to dash out of the class but of course, someone “accidentally” stuck his or her leg out and down I went in the most graceless manner, my skirt, embarrassingly up my thigh and a widening tear at its side.
“Uuuuuuu…..down went the dumb elephant.” Keith chuckled, leading the class into hysterics. I didn’t bother turning and just ran out of the class. I locked myself in one of the stalls in the restroom and the fat tears fell then. Was it my fault that I was dumb? Was it my fault that I couldn’t string a sentence together without stuttering? Was it my fault that I just enjoyed eating and couldn’t help being a bit chubby?
I cried until I had no more tears in me. Honestly, people like Keith were the reasons the world would never be a better place. Such a shallow boy, with an obviously abusive family whose only way of hiding his vulnerability was by inflicting pain on weaker people. How pathetic was that? I got out of the stall soon enough and went to my locker. I opened it and something fell. Picking it up, I saw that it was a card. Small, like a flashcard. And turning it to the next side, I saw a note written on it.
“You are fearfully and wonderfully made.”
Was this someone’s idea of a joke? Was this another prank? Who would enclose meanness with such pretty words? Maybe, I was reading too much into it and it was just someone who mistook my locker for someone else’s. Nevertheless, I kept it. It was kind of beautiful, anyways. Joke or not.
But to my surprise, I saw another card the next day.
"You can be anything you want if you put your mind to it."
Okay, where were the cameras? Was this really intended for me? Who would be that nice? I didn’t have friends and no one would risk his or her social standing by talking to a social outcast like me so who could have done it? I put it in the corner I put the previous one and left it there.
When I received yet another card the next day, I started smiling. This one said,
"What people say about you is none of your business."
Well, whoever this was got that right. How I wish I could implement that in my life. But, I guess the person knew how bothered I was by people’s words, that’s why he wrote it. He? Why did I think it was a he? A secret admirer maybe? I giggled in delight.
“What a freak.”
I turned to see Keith and his crew glaring at me. I didn’t even know they had been watching. But, I didn’t care. I hoped the cards weren’t giving me some false sense of bravado but I honestly felt happier, and more in control of my life when I read the cards. So, I stuck my tongue out at them and walked away. I know it was immature but the shocked look on their faces was worth it.
As time went on, I was becoming so much better at being my own girl. My cards, which I’d nicknamed "My Cardometer," made sure of it. Every day that I read a new card, I got another shot of confidence. I could be better. I wasn’t dumb. I could be anything I wanted in life and since dumb wasn’t who I was, I worked hard so I would never get associated with it. I took lessons in Math and other subjects I wasn’t good at and slowly started moving from a D student to a C and then to a B student. Miss James was so happy when I got my sums right and she looked like she wanted to burst into tears of joy.
I gained a new layer of confidence in my body. And I made sure to verbally tackle anyone that attempted to body shame me. That particular inspiration came from the card I’d gotten that day.
"If you don’t know who you are, people will tell you who you are not."
I hoped whoever wrote it could see how I was working by everything that was written. I still didn’t know my mystery sender and I wished I’d catch the person once but no matter how early I came to school, I never saw who it was.
It was the last day of school and I was almost late so I had no time to check my locker. As I ran into class to receive my final Math test result, I kept praying that all my hard work paid off. Miss James promptly dropped the test result face down on my table as she was sharing them and saying a small prayer, I turned it over. A+ was written boldly. I was so happy and did a full twirl on my seat to the astonishment of all.
When the bell rang, I rushed to my locker. But I found it empty. Had the person forgotten to put it in? I ransacked everywhere but couldn’t find it. Closing my locker in defeat, I turned to meet the hands of a person holding a card. As I slowly looked up I saw the teary eyes of Miss James as she smiled kindly at me. Feeling my tears flow as well, I took the card and read it.
"You’re a shining star. Don’t ever forget it."
“So, it was you….” I said with a wobbly smile. In response, she pulled me into a hug and whispered. “I’m proud of you.” As I hugged Miss James back, laughing and crying at the same time, I knew I’d found a home and I knew that I’ll never forget how this woman changed my life….. with cards.
As it stands, the prompt is over. But I've had this story in my journal for a while now. And thought I should share it. I hope you all enjoy it.❤️
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